How To Woo A Viera In Ten Easy Steps
by Teh Healist
Summary: A Human Soldier wants to hit on a Viera he sees in a pub. To make his hitting easier, he summons the help of a handguide...
1. The Book

Summary: Alright… so this human soldier sees a good-looking Viera, and he tries hitting on her, which fails miserably. So his Moogle friend gives him a book that's a guide to wooing Vieras, made especially for humans.

How to Woo a Viera In Ten Easy Steps

The Book that Began it All

Phoenix was a soldier. Just an ordinary, human soldier. He wasn't even in a clan. Well, he SORTA was in a clan. He had two friends, a Bangaa Templar named Yuwain and a Moogle Gadgeteer named Mackenroe (or just "Mack"), and they all did missions together, so that meant they were indeed a clan, right? Well… a three-man team isn't really a clan, when you think about it. Heck, they didn't even have a name for this imaginary clan that Phoenix thought they were all in. Regardless, they were best of friends, they did missions, and hung out at the pub, like any normal group of buddies would do in Ivalice.

Phoenix was a fairly decent soldier. He knew a fair amount of Soldierly skills and had even mastered the Combat Combo. However, that was all he knew. He just didn't feel that he had time to learn a new job class. Both his friends had two classes, but he didn't. However, it didn't really bother Phoenix much, since he was superbly skilled at being a soldier.

At the moment, however, he wasn't using his battle prowess in an engagement alongside his friends. Nah, why waste a perfectly rainy day doing a mission when you can blow it (as well as a fair amount of gil) in the pub? At the moment, they were all roaring with laughter at a story Phoenix had just told.

"… and… and then, the-" He cut himself off with another bout of laughter. Once he regained control over himself, he continued. "And then the Defender-" Snicker, "Cornered at the cliff face during my turn, actually started wailing for his mommy. He-" Snicker, "He begged and pleaded for me not to KO him… rambled on that he had never been KO'ed before and didn't want to find out what it felt like!"

Yuwain was shedding tears of laughter by now.

"What a little twerp! Bangaa are sssuposed to be brave and ssstrong! Essspecially a Defender! He isss a disssgrace to usss Bangaa."

"You said it, Kupo! Who in their right mind would enter an engagement fearing a simple KO, kupo? Kupo! I've been KO'ed myself many times without complaining!"

Phoenix, wiping away the tears now growing in his eyes, took a swig of the ale that was sitting next to him, completely ignored during the retelling of this event.

"So… either of you guys have any amusing stories to pass the time?"

"Well, kupo… there was this one- Kupo! That's one fine-looking Viera that just came in!"

"Mack… you're sssuch a drea- whoa! He'sss not kidding!"

Phoenix rolled his eyes.

"Don't make me waste my energy on turning around to see this seemingly hot babe that has just entered the room." But he did so anyway… and he wasn't let down, either.

"Damn! She IS good looking…"

All three were watching the Sniper, she was wearing Sniper garments, as she ordered a drink from the pub master and sat herself down at a table all by herself. Phoenix grinned.

"Ah… the prey is alone and isolated… and thus the predator moves in for the kill."

"Oh dear lord… not AGAIN Phoenix! Remember what happened the lassst time you tried to hit on a Viera? You got BLASSSTED with a well-aimed Fire Whip!"

"Yeah… well this one's not an Elementalist, and I know how to Block Arrows, so…" He got up and casually walked over to her table. In the time that Phoenix and Yuwain had this conversation, the pub master had already served the Viera her drink, and so she was sipping it while eyeing Phoenix with a look of caution and subtle distaste.

After a few short strides, Phoenix was standing behind an empty chair next to the Viera.

"Madam, is this seat taken?"

"No… and it won't be taken if I can help it." She replied curtly.

This caught Phoenix offguard. "I- Er- Um- What?"

The Viera sighed. "First off, I don't want to be bothered with a stuttering loser like you. Second, even if you DIDN'T stutter, I'm not too keen on talking to a lowly Soldier such as yourself. Be gone, before I MAKE you go away." She reached for her bow.

Phoenix quickly scurried away, feeling rather defeated. Making his way back to his friends, he glared as they snickered at him.

"What did I tell you Phoenix? But did you lisssten? Nooooooooo…" More laughter.

"Shut yer traps."

Mack calmed down and became rather serious. "Phoenix, I have an offer to make you, kupo."

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. "Really now?"

"Yes." His voice was definitely solemn. "I think I can help you in your attempt to get that Viera, kupo… for a price. It's a kupopo bargain!"

"Name it."

"If my plan works, kupo, YOU have to help me get hooked up with this one Moogle who's caught my eye, kupo. I know for certain you can help me, because she likes humans quite a bit, kupo."

"Deal." Phoenix held his hand out. Mack looked offended by the gesture.

"Kupo! Don't you think this momentous deal deserves the kupo rites of a spit handshake?"

Phoenix rolled his eyes, spit into his hand, and then re-offered it. This time, Mack accepted it with his own spit-laden hand.

"Alright… let's get down to business, kupo."

"Heh… thisss should be interesssting…"

"What's your AMAZING plan, Mack?"

"You see, kupo… I have a book here… a rather kupo book, especially for the current situation, kupo."

"Really now? What's it called, then?"

"'How to Woo a Viera in Ten Easy Steps… A Guide for Humans' Kupo! It says that it can help you get a kupo Viera with no stress at all!"

Phoenix's business-like look immediately melted and changed into a rather mischievous one.

"Let the madness commence."

"Adremmalech sssave us all…"

And so they walked out of the pub to their lodgings for the night. However, there was one little disclaimer that Mackenroe had overlooked…

"Warning: use of these steps may cause the user to fall in love with the target."


	2. Step One

A/N: W00tness… people are reading my story. Alright, this is here for one reason, and one reason only. I forgot to put a disclaimer in my first chapter, so it's gonna be in this one. It'll be the ONLY disclaimer, since I can't see how people would start reading at chapter three and miss the disclaimer in chapter 2 oO

DISCLAIMER: I, Teh Healist, own nothing of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance except a simple GBA cartridge. SquareEnix would be the one to rob- I mean… the one who owns rights to the game… don't rob 'em… please… they make rather nice games.

Step One 

"Step one: Get to know the target. Let her know that you actually exist. If at all possible, know what clan she is in (if she's in a clan) and who the clan leader is, as that's key for step two. Don't be too prying, yet… just have some "small talk".

Note: if the target wouldn't talk to you, the problem could involve the "coolness factor". Simply put, the target may not want to talk to you if your job class is one of the following: Soldier, Thief, Archer, White Mage, Black Mage. The fact of the matter is that those are basic job classes and may not be exotic enough for the target's liking. When choosing a class to impress her, consider what class the target is. A Hunter would be impressive to a Sniper, A Blue Mage or Illusionist would be impressive for a Red Mage or Summoner, a Ninja would be impressive for an Assassin, and so on."

Phoenix groaned. He would have to change his job class!

"Well, look on the bright ssside. You'll get cooler abilities. Admit it, a sssoldier does not have that impressssive of an ability list."

"Yuwain's right, kupo! I mean, even an archer has a decent set of abilities, and their status ailment ones are handy, kupo. I was watching an engagement kupo, just for fun, and the archer would immobilize, disable, charm, or blind the target, kupo! Without the archer, the engagement would've taken a lot longer, kupo."

"But still… an archer? I've been a soldier my entire career. Surely my stats won't fit with those of an archer!"

"On the contrary, I think your ssstats can be helpful for your archer. For one thing, you'll be a tough archer to kill, with sssuch a high hp stat. Your weapon attack for your level can also be challenged by a fighter. Ssso, my point is that I don't think you'll do too shabby as an archer."

"Alright," he said grudgingly, "I'll do it, but ONLY because the book recommends it."

(Insert scene change here)

And so, from then on, Phoenix became an archer. Equipping himself with decent armor and several handy accessories (Feather Boots in particular), he finally needed to decide upon a bow.

"TRUSSST me, Phoenix. Boossst can be very handy."

"Any ability that only requires 100 AP to master isn't very useful. We need something that we could use, like Cupid! Or Take Aim."

"Take Aim is good for when you're a Hunter and you have a Greatbow with a high-damage attack, kupo."

"Alright, how 'bout Aim: Arm or Aim: Legs? You said yourself an archer's all about status ailments, didn't you Mack?"

"True, I did, Kupo. But Boost can still-"

"It's settled then, I'll be getting Aim: Arm, then. Grab that Nail Bow Yuwain, and we'll be outta here!"

Once Phoenix was decked out with his new bow, armor, and class, Yuwain and Mackenroe let him practice by taking really easy missions that were meant for starter clans. Even the pubmaster raised an eyebrow when they took "Herb Picking Again" and handed over the 300 gil.

"He's changed his class and needs practice, kupo."

"Ah…"

Time wore on, Phoenix slowly gained abilities. Yes, slowly, for he wasn't being smart and was trying to master the high AP abilities first. After Aim: Arm came, of course, Aim: Legs. Then he managed to persuade his friends to get a Yoichi Bow for Take Aim, then Cupid, Faster, Blackout, and now Concentrate with his Target Bow.

(Insert scene change here)

KSSSSHHHHH!

… Da-ah-ah-ah!

"… I ssstill can't believe we have to ssstoop as low as fighting Clan Dip…"

"Well, we don't exactly want to take on Brass Dragoons, now do we?"

"But still, Phoenix… Clan DIP, kupo?"

"Hey, once we're done with this whole thing, and I'm back to being a Soldier-"

"You may like being a Hunter"

"… back to being a Soldier, then we can go back to our regular thing."

Crack! Kht! (A/N: My bad attempt at imitating a bow shot and arrow hit…)

… Krua!

Phoenix sighed. "That's the last one, so we're done with this engagement. Hey! I think the 50 AP is the last I need for mastering Concentrate! I say we celebrate by hitting the pub!"

Yuwain rolled his eyes. "Yeah… sssomething we haven't done in a long time."

"No! Not to get another job! To actually have a drink or two!"

"Kupo! Now THAT'S something we haven't done in a long time, kupo!"

(Insert scene change here)

Jullianne cursed her luck when she saw that group of three. She knew the Soldier who tried to flirt with her was probably with them.

It was the group. There was the Gadgeteer… the Templar… and- The ARCHER!

"Either these aren't the ones, or something's up here…"

Why would the Soldier want to be an Archer? She noticed he glanced over at her, saw she was looking, and quickly turned back to the pubmaster to order his drink. Ha! What a wimp. She'd seen MOOGLES with more class than to just stare at her when they think she wasn't looking. But still, why would he go through the trouble of learning to be an Archer? True, arrows were more to her liking than a sword, but an Archer is JUST as pathetic as a Soldier.

'But a Hunter isn't.'

Jullianne mulled a bit on that thought, taking a pensive sip of her sake.

'So he's trying to impress me, then. That's kinda cute, actually. Well, if he does become a Hunter, then I just might play his game…'

(Insert scene change here)

Phoenix noticed that the Viera (or "target") was at the pub again. Again, she was sitting alone, and again he felt nervous as she was staring him down. He couldn't take that stare anymore (he was starting to wonder if she had done a bit of Elementalist magic and had learned Evil Gaze), and turned around to resume talking with his friends… except that they weren't talking. They were snickering at him.

"Admit it, Phoenix, you're lovesick."

Phoenix, trying to come up with a quick retort, could only think of "Nah… I just wanna nail her." (A/N: And that, my friends is part of the reason this is rated T and not K+)

Silence at the table.

"That… wasss the dumbest thing you could have resssponded with."

(Insert scene change here)

"Nah… I just wanna nail her."

There may have been silence at Phoenix's table, but not at Jullianne's. This is due to the fact that she was now choking on some sake that had gone down the wrong way when she heard that.

'I just wanna NAIL her? Now THAT'S not cute… not at all… I just wanna nail her. Ugh! I'll never understand guys.'

(Insert scene change here)

About a month later, Phoenix was a Hunter, with a few abilities under his belt. He felt that now the time was right to say hi to his little Sniper friend.

He practically giggled at his luck when, making a sweeping glance of the pub as he entered, he saw the Viera at a table once again, alone as usual.

Taking the drink he had ordered, he walked over to her table, set down his flask of ale, and asked the same question as last time.

"Madam, is this seat taken?"

'Is it just me, or is that smile she's giving me a little TOO sweet?'

"Of course not."

"Well then… can I take it?"

'If she widens that smile any more, I think her face is gonna split in half…' 

"Of course."

Phoenix silently promised he'd find whoever authored the handbook and give the author 10,000 gil.

"Thanks."

Phoenix to a swig of his ale and put it down. Yes, I said he put it down, not slam it down. Phoenix figured a Viera wouldn't like the hearty, back-slapping, ale-slamming, loud-belching style of enjoying oneself in a pub, so he adopted a more… conserved approach.

"My name is Phoenix." He held out his hand, which the still smiling Viera took.

"A pleasure to meet you Phoenix." She shook the hand for about half a second, and then withdrew her hand, accidentally clawing him in the withdrawal. Well, it seemed accidental anyway.

"Ow!"

"Ohhhhhhh… I'm sorry. Here, let me fix that."

She put her hand on the cuts (Phoenix fought really hard not to flinch from the stinging) and closed her eyes. A greenish aura glowed around her hand, and when she opened her eyes and removed the hand, the cuts were gone. No scars were there, either.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

'At least she dropped the smile…' 

"So… what's your name then?"

"I don't really think that's important right now."

"Oh, come on! I told you mine."

"Yes, but did I ask for it?"

"Well, it's kinda proper etiquette to give ones name to someone that you're talking to who doesn't know your name."

Much, to Phoenix's annoyance (and soon-to-be horror), she imitated him. "Well, it's kinda proper etiquette to not go on about nailing someone to one's friends."

Phoenix blinked. He blinked again. And for good measure, he blinked a third time. Then his head dropped. Taking his hat off and dropping it on the table, he ran a nervous hand through his hair. Without looking up, he was SURE the Viera was smirking, clearly enjoying watching him struggling with himself.

"… so you heard that."

"What kind of idiot would think their out of earshot when their table is only ten feet away?" She responded with a low, deadly voice.

"… me."

"Look at me."

Phoenix hesitated, unsure of what she was going to do.

"Look at me." She said, her voice more firm this time.

Not wanting to incur the wrath of an undoubtedly ticked-off Viera, Phoenix looked at me.

"Alright, good. Now, I want you to look me straight in the eye and say 'I do not want to be your friend just so I can get you in bed with me.'"

"… but I never said that… I just said-"

"I KNOW THAT THEY MEAN THE SAME THING! NOW SAY IT!"

'You idiot…' 

He looked her straight in the eye, the very center of it.

Was it just him, or did he see something close to… sadness in it?

"I do not want to be your friend just so I can get you in bed with me." Said he, without so much as blinking.

Almost immediately, the sadness vanished.

The Viera's face brightened and a true smile crossed her features this time. Holding out her hand to him the smile widened into a grin.

"Jullianne."

'I'll never understand girls…' 


	3. Step Two

Step Two

"I TOLD you it wasss the dumbessst thing you could have resssponded with! But who here ever lissstens to Yuwain?"

"I do, kupo!"

Phoenix sighed. "Look, I just wanna get this over with. Get her to fall for me, have a nice night, and then move on."

Yuwain stared. "You mean you actually weren't kidding?"

"No, I wasn't, and it's a good thing I've got a well-versed poker face, or else she would've figured it out."

"I don't believe this is the Phoenix I know, kupo…"

"What?"

"… trying to get a Viera to fall in love with you JUSSST so you can get it on for a night… and then totally break her heart? Are you insssane?"

"Yeah… maybe I am. Anyway, let's just read the next step, shall we?"

"Step two: If you found out what clan she was in, try to get into the clan. Beg with the leader or bribe him, if you're getting that desperate (although bribing should be a last-ditch tactic). This is key, because once you get into the clan, you'll be seeing your target a lot more often, especially if she's a rather valuable member in engagements."

"Did you find out what clan she was in, kupo?"

"Yeah… after I promised her I wasn't only trying to get her in bed, she warmed up to me quite a bit more. Heck, she even seemed like she felt sorry for me when I told her I wasn't in a clan-"

"What would you call USSS, then?"

"A couple of buddies who go with me into engagements?"

"… Fair enough."

"The clan, kupo."

"Right. The clan. Let's see… oh yeah, it was clan Armageddon, or something like that. I hear they're as legendary as the clan that had that 'boy from the other world' was."

"The name sssounds impressssive."

"Yeah… so now I just gotta talk to their leader. Shouldn't be too hard. Jullianne could probably help me out."

(Insert scene change here)

Phoenix walked into the pub, hoping to see Jullianne there. He did. Much to his amazement, however, she wasn't alone. There were several of her friends (Phoenix assumed they were friends, anyway) sitting around her. When Phoenix took a closer look, they all had a small shoulder patch that said "Armageddon".

'So they must be the clan she mentioned…'

Grabbing the drink he ordered, he walked over to the table where they were all sitting. He noticed Jullianne look up, smiled, and waved. Turning back to her clan mates, Phoenix heard her say.

"Hey guys! This is a new friend of mine!"

They all stopped talking for a second and looked over at the approaching Hunter. Phoenix gave a bright smile and finally came to a halt when he was next to the table.

"Hi! So you're the Clan Armageddon Jullianne was telling me about, then?"

A Fighter nodded and replied with a curt "Aye."

Phoenix noticed the fighter had a small badge under the clan badge that said "C.L."

"Are you the clan leader, sir?"

Again, he nodded and replied with a curt "Aye."

Phoenix nodded. "Nice to meet you all. My name is Phoenix, by the way. Can't believe I forgot to say that at the beginning. Ah well, is it alright if I have a seat and join you?"

"Aye."

Phoenix grinned and asked in a joking manner, "Can you say anything other than aye?"

"Aye."

Everyone laughed, including the Fighter, and Phoenix took his seat. They all looked at him curiously. A White Monk posed a question.

"Where'sss your clan badge? I don't sssee one…"

"Well, that's because I'm not really in a clan… unless you could call three people a clan." He chuckled a bit. "It's pretty much just me, a Templar, and a Gadgeteer as a team."

"Kupo! I can't imagine anyone in your class without a clan! How'd you become a Hunter if it's just the three of you?"

"Well, we're a really good team, I guess." Phoenix shrugged. "But I must say, the idea of a clan DOES sound appealing…"

"What skills d'you have, kid?" It was the Fighter again.

"Well, for a Hunter I've got Sonic Boom –wouldn't be much of a Hunter if I didn't, now would I?-, I've got Sidewinder, and I've got Aim: Vitals. I've also mastered quite a few Archer skills as well: Aim: Arm, Aim: Legs, Cupid, Take Aim, Blackout, Faster, and, of course, Concentrate."

The Fighter nodded. "That's pretty impressive kid. And you haven't had any clan invites?"

"Only from Clan Dip, sadly enough."

"That makes me want to think that you're a really bad Hunter. If no clan wants you except Clan Dip, that's telling me something."

"Well, I didn't know invites were that common. The only way I knew how to get into a clan was ask the clan leader, not wait to get invited."

"Well, maybe you haven't been up to speed on things because you're not in a clan, but Clan Invites are all the rage, now."

"Well, I suppose it makes it easier for you to put together a good team. You get to pick which people you want, and ignore the ones you don't."

"Yeah, it makes it MUCH easier."

"Say, I've got a question now. Just popped in my head, and I'm curious."

"Ask away, then."

"How many clan members do you have?"

There was a small pause, and then the Clan Leader gave a small laugh. "You think that just because we're famous means we've got a huge clan, eh? Well, allow me to let you in on a little secret: Everyone you see here? This is all we've got."

Phoenix looked around the table. They had the Fighter, Jullianne the Sniper, an Elementalist, a White Monk, a Gunner, and a Sage.

"Wow… this is it?"

"Yup. Just the six of us."

"And you're planning on keeping it that way?"

"Well… not if the right person comes along."

"Or persons… doesn't have to be a single person, now does it?"

"What do you think the answer to that would be?"

"Well then." Phoenix gave a small grin. "I'd be honored if my buddies and myself could join your ranks."

"Ah… no."

Grin? Gone.

"Why not?"

"We wouldn't need your Templar. Christopher here's almost ready to become one." He motioned towards the White Monk. "We don't trust Gadgeteers… their abilities are just too risky. As for you… You don't even have Capture!"

"I'll get it if you want, sir. And I'll have my Gadgeteer become something more useful, and the same for my Templar. What would you want sir? A Time Mage and a Dragoon? A Juggler and a Bishop?"

The Fighter laughed. "My poor boy… you just don't understand. We don't NEED more members."

"But you said if the right person-"

"Yeah… and that's not you."

Phoenix looked down, feeling the laughter of defeat.

"Now look what you've done! Phoenix is much nicer in a bouncy mood. You didn't have to be so harsh, you know!"

"Hey, it's my decision, alright? I call the shots on new members."

"But so far, you've always called a no!"

"That's because I've never seen anyone that qualifies for a yes!"

"Then what do you call him?"

Phoenix, confused by this sudden trading of words, looked up. He saw the Clan Leader looking a bit sheepish, and saw Jullianne point at him while giving the Fighter a hard look.

"I mean, did you even HEAR what he's got for abilities? And he's willing to learn MORE as well as change his friends' Classes so they can come in, too! He seems to be highly motivated, and I can't see how you'd let a chance like that pass up!"

Phoenix blinked. Was Jullianne actually standing up for him? Suddenly, he felt horrible about his future plans. He could just see the look on her face, in his mind's eye, when she realized that he had lied to her, after all she'd done for him.

"Alright… you're in, then. And we'll take your friends. If you can, have them become a Time Mage and a Gladiator. I'm assuming that your Bangaa friend has decent MP? 'Cause I was hoping we could have him learn Ultima Sword. We've got the equipment for it… but it's just been sitting in our armory, gathering dust."

Phoenix smiled.

"Certainly, sir. I'll handle the Time Mage, though. We've got plenty of rods from engagements."

The Clan Leader nodded. "Alright then. Like I said… you're in."

Phoenix smiled, but his thoughts were still on the subject of betrayal… and he felt absolutely horrible about it.


	4. Step Three

A/N: Alright… zis Chapter shall have a paragraph-style description for the four main characters (That would be Phoenix, Yuwain, Mack, and Jullianne). Enjoy 'um along with the rest of the story… or face my wrath twitch

Step Three 

"Now you must make YOURSELF valuable to the clan in engagements. Try to have all your abilities mastered beforehand (if possible) or master them as soon as possible. Also, if you can, master your prerequisite class abilities, as those can also be valuable. It is important to be so useful that the leader has you come along for almost all engagements, except for ones where the law forbids your particular skills."

Phoenix was reading the next step in his quest for Jullianne to his buddies as if they were going over a battle plan. In a sense, they were, and the stats seemed to be in favor of them.

Phoenix, a dashing young Human Soldier-turned-Hunter, had light brown hair dark brown eyes, and a cute smile. He was tall and fairly well-built from all the engagements he'd been in and all the time as a Soldier he had spent. His comical attitude towards life made him rather likeable to most people. Phoenix was the one who was after Jullianne the Viera Sniper.

Jullianne, the object of Phoenix's affections (or lust…), is a lovely young Viera Sniper, who has jet black hair and dark brown eyes (dark colors go well with Sniper-ness, one would assume). She wasn't particularly strong, but wasn't frail, either. However, she WAS tall… slightly taller than Phoenix, even. She seemed a bit unsure about Phoenix, his little comment to his friends still ringing in her mind.

Yuwain, Phoenix's Bangaa buddy who's a Templar, but soon-to-be a Gladiator (much to his distaste… it'll take a bit of work getting there), rags all the time for mistakes his friend makes, but is highly loyal to him deep down. If someone injures/seriously insults/threatens Phoenix… that someone is a dead man. As for strength… if you thought Phoenix was strong, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Then there's Mackenroe, Phoenix's other friend. The Moogle Gadgeteer who is changing his job to a Time Mage to help Phoenix's newfound clan, Clan Armageddon, Mack is short, being the Moogle he is. Like Yuwain, he would never do anything that would be a deep insult to Phoenix. Sure he'll poke fun at him with Yuwain, but that's only child's play.

Three against one… three clueless guys armed with a book versus one smart Viera armed with her brains.

This is gonna be a good one, folks.

"Master all of our skills, hmmm? Well, that shouldn't be too hard, 'specially now that we've got added funding for weapons. I hear that Armageddon's got access to any weapon they want at bargain prices."

"Nice, kupo!"

"Do you think the bosssss'll let ussss do three-man engagementsss to master our ssskills?"

"I dunno… I should check with him on that. I don't see why not, though."

"Well, we better get some rest, kupo. We don't want to be dead logs for our first day in the clan, kupo!"

(Insert scene change here)

The next morning, Phoenix & Co. headed over to the pub. The Clan Leader, named Dave, had told them to meet there at 10 o'clock to get some more information about clan activities and whatnot. When they entered and ordered the almost-obligatory drinks, they noticed that the clan was already there, chatting away like any other normal group of people relaxing at a pub. Dave noticed they had arrived and stood up, smiling.

"Ah, Phoenix! And these must be your friends! Welcome to the clan!"

He shook the hand of each new clan member, and pulled up three empty chairs to the table so they could sit. Once they were all seated and finished taking a swig of their drinks, Dave gave them an apologetic look, directed mostly at Phoenix.

"Sorry for giving you such a hard time last night. I've slept on the thought a bit, and I've realized that our clan SHOULD have a few more members. I mean, it only makes sense…"

"No problem. We're in, right? We're friends, right? Then the grilling is a thing of the past."

"I'll second that, kupo!"

"Hear, hear."

Dave had a smile on again.

"Alright, good. Now listen up, because I've been doing some planning as well as thinking. To get you guys up to speed, we'll be doing a lot more random clan battle, taking you on clan missions, and I'll be taking you along for any turf battles. Don't worry about white magic," He added quickly, seeing Phoenix's raised eyebrow… none of them, Dave, Phoenix, Yuwain, or Mack was a white mage. "Don't worry. I've done some training as a White Mage, and I know Cure, Cura, Esuna, and Life. The basics, to put it simply. Anyway, any weapon that you need for abilities… you've got it. Any armor for abilities… you've got it. Feather boots… you've got it. Whatever you need to make training easier… you've got it."

"I… wow…"

"Thanksss…"

"We're honored, kupo!"

"By the way, Dave… I've got a question."

"Fire away."

"Yuwain, Mack, and I were wondering if it was possible for us to still do 3-man battles. Y'know… to make the training go by faster."

Dave gave a little chuckle. "Ah, we'll be doing so many random battles that it probably wouldn't be necessary. But if you see an opening, and we're not there, feel free."

"Alright, thanks man."

"Well, I think this concludes the meeting-type thing… let's have some fun now, shall we?"

And so the rest of the morning went by with tale-swapping and ale-drinking at the pub (In Cyril, for those who are curious).

(Insert scene change here)

The following week found Phoenix, his friends, and his clan having battles almost every day, sometimes several times per day. Dave was right… there was no time for their planned 3-man engagements. Already, Yuwain had mastered the required two Warrior Techs and was getting ready to move on to being a Gladiator. Mackenroe had easily mastered the basic black magic skills, had Fira mastered, and was moving on to Firaga. As for Phoenix? He was mastering his Hunter skills like wildfire. Capture had been first on his list (The clans Sage was training to be a Morpher). Then came Advice, Oust, and Addle. Phoenix was currently working on Weapon Attack +.

However, the most important part was that Phoenix was beginning to see a lot more of Jullianne, even if it WAS mostly in engagements. But that was a good thing, since Phoenix was sure she'd be impressed by his usefulness and skills in battle, especially his proficiency at capturing monsters for the soon-to-be Morpher.

Phoenix was sure things were going his way…


	5. Step Four

Step Four

"By this time, you should be rather well respected by the clan and, hopefully, by the target. The time is now to start getting to know her a bit better. While the clan is at a pub, or just walking around Ivalice on a vacation-type thing, or any situation where you have some free time to spend with the target. Don't sound pompous or full of yourself, because that's what she'll expect of you since you're pretty important to the clan. She'll probably be surprised and may even find it sweet that you're a rather modest guy when you're not fighting."

Phoenix grinned. "Alright! All of this hard work will finally start paying off! This is the moment I think we've been waiting for, boys…"

"Whaddya mean WE?"

"It's not like we're the ones trying to capture her heart, kupo…"

"But… we're buddies, aren't we? We're all in this together, right?"

"Dependsss on what you're planning to do with thisss aforementioned heart."

"Oh come on, guys! You're still raggin' on me about that?"

"YESSS!"

"Why?"

"Kupo! It's just not morally right, kupo! Think about it… having this Jullianne fall in love with you, only to have you dump her after you get it on, kupo! Kupopo, don't you see anything wrong with that?"

Phoenix hesitated. "… No…"

"ARGH, KUPO! WHAT don't you see morally wrong about breaking another person's heart, kupo?"

"Umm… the ends justify the means?"

"But the 'ends' of this plan of yours involve her becoming seriously hurt emotionally, kupo. I've only known her for a few weeks, and I think she's great, kupo! I just don't understand how you can even think of betraying her like this, kupo."

"Look… can we move on?"

"Move on to what, exactly?"

"Umm… planning on how… I can impress her?"

"You won't be impresssssing anyone by ditching them after a one-night ssstand…"

"I SAID CAN WE MOVE ON."

"… Fine…"

Phoenix was whole-heartedly regretting ever saying he wanted to nail her. But regret can't change what's already happened, and so he just had to deal with it and move on.

(Insert scene change here)

Crack! BAM!

… That Malboro was history.

"Nice Sidewinder, buddy!"

Phoenix grinned at Dave's compliment.

"I think that clears the mission, right?"

"Well, the fighting part. We still need to find that new species of desert flora for Professor Auggie to examine. Let's get searching, then!"

'Now's a good time to talk to Jullianne…'

So Phoenix walked over to her, she who was actually doing what she was instructed to do and scouring the sand for this new desert plant. Auggie and described it to them very specifically, so it was near-impossible to miss.

"Wanna look together?"

"Sure." Came the response, eyes still trained on the sand.

So a silence followed for a while as the two walked around, looking for a specimen. Phoenix, of course, was getting rather bored rather quickly, so he tried again at conversation.

"What do you think of me?"

"I think you're an obnoxious jerk."

Pause.

"… Seriously?"

"No."

"… You're not being very helpful."

"Look, can we keep searching without talking?"

"Just answer the question, and I swear I'll shut up."

For the first time in their conversation, Jullianne looked up. Hands on her hips, she looked him right in the eye.

"To be honest, I don't know what to think of you. You seem pretty nice, but your little comment still jingles in my mind whenever I start thinking about you. Is that good enough for an answer?"

"Yeah… I gue-"

"Then get back to looking."

"Alright, alright…"

By now, Phoenix thoroughly loathed those words he had said in the pub that fateful day he started step one.

(Insert scene change here)

The party eventually found the fabled specimen and had started the trek back from Jeraw to Cyril. The hike back wasn't one to be laughed at (heck, the hike TO Jeraw wasn't one to be laughed at…), and come nightfall, they were nowhere near Cyril. Dave had wisely decided they should camp for the night and start bright and early the next day. They chatted and laughed during a dinner around a campfire, Phoenix pitching in with an amusing account of Yuwain's reaction to a mouse looking him in the face one morning while sleeping at an inn, much to the subject's dismay.

"Well, what would YOU do if you sssaw a little rodent ssstaring you down when you woke up?"

"I wouldn't scream like a girl, that's for sure."

"Watch it." Euphem, the Elementalist gave Phoenix a warning look.

"Sorry… but Yuwain's scream WAS rather earsplitting."

"Are you saying females give out earsplitting screams? That's unheard of!"

"You've obviously never met my sister…"

"Well… humans are a different story. You'll never hear Viera letting out a high-pitc-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WHAT IS THAT THING?"

Everyone turned in the direction the now-scarlet Viera was pointing. Upon closer inspection (after a well-cast Stop spell by Mack), the thing turned out to be a rather startled Panther. After it had been restored to normal time and scared off accordingly (as if it needed any incentive after Euphem's scream…), everyone gave the Elementalist an amusing look.

"You were saying about Viera…?"

"I wish you would all spontaneously combust right now."

After that little fiasco/event, Dave decided that now would be a good time to hit the sack… the party did.

(Insert scene change here)

Phoenix woke up with a start due to a rather dim-witted fly buzzing into his ear.

"Stupid bugs… woke me up…"

Looking around, he first noticed it was still dark, though he could see fairly far into the night, since the fire had burned out so it wouldn't ruin his night vision. The second thing he noticed was a lone Viera Sniper sitting in a tree.

Getting up quietly so as not to disturb anyone else's sleep, he walked over to the base of the tree and looked up to see Jullianne indeed sitting there, her knees drawn up to her chest, staring out into space, her attention obviously in the bowels of thought.

"What's on your mind?"

Her attention obviously left the bowels of thought and had focused on Phoenix.

"Ironically enough, you."

"Good thoughts, I hope?"

"Sort of…"

She gracefully jumped down from her branch, landing silently on the ground.

"… How'd you do that?"

"Let's just say that I've picked up a few things being a Sniper."

"That was really cool… wish I could do that."

"Ah, it's not so hard. Maybe I'll show you how it's done one day."

Phoenix smiled. "Sounds good to me. But now… what were you thinking about?"

"Well, when we were talking today, it stirred up thoughts in my head about you."

"Again, good I hope…"

"Again, sort of… You see, first impressions tend to stick, right? Well, we both know your first impression wasn't exactly that great."

"Sorry about the stuttering… honest."

"Not that, you dork. I was referring to your comment."

"Oh… Sorry 'bout that, too."

"Well, it's not that easy. You see, that had me worried. Sure, you sounded like you were saying it just to impress your friends. For the record, it's not very impressive, either."

"Yeah… I've come to discover that. My friends have been giving me a tough time about it since the day I said it."

"Good, 'cause it really was a horrible thing to say."

"I know."

"Anyway, my mind was just thinking about that, compared to how you've acted in the clan. You seem to be a studious, hard-working, and motivated member of the clan. Now, as for your motivation, I wouldn't know-"

"You."

Pause. "Now, I don't know whether that should be taken as a compliment or as a hint you were serious about your comment. You see, my mind's worried that even though you said you weren't serious, you could have just said that to put me at ease…'

'Damn, she's good.'

"… So it's a bit of a paradox, here. Do I trust the part of my mind that says you're a liar and you just want me for what I am? Or do I trust the part of my mind that says you sincerely didn't mean that and you care about me because of who I am?"

"When did I give you the idea that I care-"

"You obviously care if you're trying so hard to get me to believe you don't just want my body. Not to mention what you gave for your motivation."

"I blame my idiocy on my guy genetics."

Jullianne gave a small snort of amusement and continued on. "So, to put it simply after all this explanation, my mind has been reeling about which half to believe."

Phoenix nodded. "I see…" That was all he said.

"… Isn't there anything else you want to tell me?"

"Huh?"

Jullianne sighed. "I was hoping you'd tell me that you didn't mean it and that you really do care about me as a person."

"Oh… Yeah, that would've been a good idea. However, since you've already said it for me, it would be kind've an insult to just repeat it and think it'll count just as good."

Again, Jullianne sighed, put her head in her hand, and closed her eyes. Much to Phoenix's horror, he saw a tear escape her eyelids. Acting swiftly, he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and used the thumb of his free hand to wipe away the tear.

"Don't cry… please, don't cry."

"You're scaring me, Phoenix, you really are. The problem for me is that since you're in the clan, I can't very well ignore you. I don't know if I need to keep my guard up when you're around or trust you."

"Man, I SO wish I never said those words. I had no idea they'd put you through so much stress, Jullianne. If I could take them back, I would in an instant. No! No, don't cry… stop crying… please?"

"It's just that, when I think I've got you all figured out, you say or do something that shatters my impression of you. I just don't know what to think anymore."

Without thinking, without any contemplating what the end results would be, without ANY planning at all, Phoenix wrapped Jullianne in a tight hug, rocking slowly back and forth.

"Hey… It's gonna be alright. I swear to god it'll be alright. Just please… don't cry." Phoenix could hear sniffling coming from the vicinity of his right shoulder. "Shhhh… hush… there's no need to cry. You're a sniper! You're a strong girl, Jullianne! Hey, look at me."

Phoenix broke the hug and tilted her chin so she was looking at him.

"I, Phoenix Felor, swear that I will do no act to intentionally hurt you. I mean, it, Jullianne, I won't. Do you have any idea how horrible I feel because I know it's because of me you're crying?"

Jullianne smiled. "Thanks, Phoenix. That really means a lot to me. Good night, then."

She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek -God, her lips were soft!- and walked back to the rest of the clan to go back to sleep.

Phoenix himself had some thinking to do in the meantime. Did the question of whether or not he truly cared for Jullianne torture her so? Was she going to lose more sleep because he was apparently contradicting himself all the time?

"I can't believe this is happening… Why… WHY?" He muttered to himself.

He couldn't do it. He just WOULDN'T. He already promised he wouldn't. Phoenix told himself very sternly that he would not break Jullianne's heart.

Now, there was just the problem of giving her the right impression…

A/N: Just so you know, the next chapter's also about Step Four. Step Five is a little farther off, unfortunately.


	6. Step Four Part II

A/N: Yes… I'm aware that the last scene in the previous chapter was a bit corny… I was never good at adding a hint of fluff. Isn't my style, I guess. Anyway, this chapter shouldn't have any of that in it.

By the way, if you had a question in your review that you wanted me to answer, I have probably answered it on my profile page thingy. If it's not answered and you wish it to be answered say "Healist! If you don't answer my question, I'ma send the LARD ORCS after you!" That, my friend, will promptly get your question answered. Anyway… 'nuff rambling and more story writing.

Step Four… part B 

Phoenix, like your average clueless guy, was not capable of complex thought processes. His simply guy mind had the ability to do one step at a time… and not much more than that. Because of this, Phoenix was unable to come up with multiple-step plans/ideas that would earn him Jullianne's trust and respect. There was only one idea that he could grasp, as it was rather simple.

Master all your abilities.

And so Phoenix worked overtime. He FOUND time to do those three-man engagements Dave had allowed him to do as a joke. He BOUGHT bows the clan didn't have so he could master the rest of his abilities. He WORKED his butt off, gaining those needed AP points that he somehow believed would win him Jullianne's heart. He WAS past the point of just wanting to get the poor, confused Viera in bed… he wanted to give her happiness. He KNEW this altercation in him would also bring Yuwain and Mack back to his side. But most of all, he PRAYED that god (assuming there was a god looking over Ivalice) would help Jullianne have faith in his newfound integrity (although she didn't know it was new).

Once he had mastered most of the Hunter abilities, he switched back to Archer for a few battles to master some abilities he had missed. He figured Burial WOULD come in handy at some point in his career. He also mastered Boost, as he found himself with increasing frequency Waiting a turn because he wasn't in range of anyone. Boost would be a good ability to hit during these turns, so he mastered it.

Finally, after he mastered the Bow Combo, he could proudly sport his Archer: (that's supposed to be the mastery star oO) Badge. Once he had that, he went back to being a Hunter, finished mastering some moves he had overlooked (mainly Hunting and Addle). When he had mastered Auto-Regen and Hunt Combo, he also sported a Hunter: Badge. Grinning from ear to ear, he was SURE this would help him get a little respect from Julllianne.

The completion of these feats couldn't have come at a better time, since Dave had picked out a string of some pretty rough missions for the clan to undertake.

(Insert scene change here)

"Help! My daughter was captured by a band of vampires last night. I saw them do it! They're probably headed for Ulei River, since that's the nearest location that's been void of any activity lately. Please bring back my daughter!"

"… Sounds like fun. Well definitely be needing some White Mage action for this… you do have Curaga, right Jullianne?"

"Yup."

"And Phoenix has Burial, which is helpful."

"Jussst ssso you all know… I HAVE massstered Exorcccise…"

"Good point, Yuwain… since Christopher was never a White Monk, I'm not really familiar with Monk Tech abilities."

"Exorcccise OWNS undead creaturesss."

Dave gave the group a wide grin. "I think we've got this one in the chest already, ladies and gentlemen."

"To Ulei!"

(Insert scene change here)

"A little girl? Uhhh… nope. Don't know about one. Do you Fred?"

"Nope… haven't seen one lately, Bob."

"Right… We'll be on our ways now-"

"HEEEEELP!"

"Aw, nuts… just when we were about to leave. Well, I suppose we'll be needing to get rid of you sack of beans before we can escape, no won't we?"

"Too true, Fred."

"ENGAGE!"

Phoenix was already giving Advice to Dave, Yuwain was Waiting for the Vampires to get close enough for him to Exorcise them, and Jullianne was warming up a Curaga spell. Euphem the Elementalist, who had come along for her status ailment abilities (Status was recommended today), had already targeted a pair of Vamps for an aimed Fire Whip spell or two (Doublecast was a REAL handy spell for these tough jobs…). Dave was primed and ready to hit the nearest Vampire with a Backdraft. Mack, sitting in the back, was Hasting his friends and waiting to Stop a Vampire if it came too close. All six Vampires advanced on the party, casting Miasma when the opportunity to strike multiple targets arose (except for the two incapacitated by Euphem's spell). Most of the party members were poisoned, and Jullianne had to put off casting Curaga to free her friends of the poisoning. Yuwain, however, had successfully Exorcised one of the Vampires and Phoenix had given another a proper Burial. Dave had significantly reduced the hp of another while Mack had Stopped a fourth.

By the end of the third round, there was only one Vampire remaining on the field (all others were either Exorcised, Buried, or down for a few more rounds). Jullianne took care of him with a Curaga spell and the engagement was over. No sooner had they found and released the captured child than one of the KO'ed Vampires was revived by the 3-round rule, grabbed Jullianne, and disappeared with her.

"Hey! The engagement's over! That's not supposed to happen!"

Suddenly, seven more Vampires appeared, all eyeing the group maliciously.

"Stay down, little girl… we don't want to lose you. Apparently there were more Vampires than we thought."

Phoenix readied his bow and armed a Burial arrow.

"Ain't nuthin' I can't bury. Mack… Haste me, my brother."

"Roger that, kupo!"

And so the engagement resumed and Phoenix Buried Vampire after Vampire. However, for each one he Buried, another seemed to take its place.

"Thisss is getting nowhere!" Shouted Yuwain after he had exorcised his fifth Vampire.

"And we need to get Jullianne back, kupo!"

Suddenly, an idea formed in Phoenix's head.

"You guys keep working! Leave Jullianne to me!"

Euphem rolled her eyes. "Mr. Knight in Shining Armor off to save the Princess, eh? Don't worry about us! We won't get hopelessly outnumbered by non-stop Vampire appearances!"

"Oh, hush up! I'll be back before you know it!"

And so Phoenix leapt behind the Vampire ranks, Burying another as he passed. Still running farther and farther behind the Vampires, he figured the captor of Jullianne would make for a nearby alcove behind a waterfall that fed the river. More animals, not just Vampires, but Zombies and Antlions as well, were also running by, going towards the action. Phoenix Buried as many as he could while still making his way towards the alcove. He needed to act fast, or Mack and Euphem's MP would run out and then they'd REALLY be in trouble. Leaping through the waterfall, he kept running farther and farther in (the room was lighted by candles which, ironically enough, were installed during a dispatch mission Euphem had gone on a few months previously). He finally reached the back where he saw a good five or six Vampires circling a raised stone table with a body on it…

Jullianne's body.

From what he could see, her skin was deathly white, her eyes were closed, and her body limp.

'NO! She's NOT dead!'

Phoenix let out a roar of fury, and unleashed a barrage of Burials that were flying as fast as his Haste could allow him to fire them. Of course, this wasn't fast enough for some of the Vampires to react and start casting Miasma. Phoenix had dodged a few, but one had finally hit its mark and had poisoned him to boot. With this slight loss of concentration, a few more Vamps managed to hit him with Miasma. Phoenix gritted his teeth, ignored the poison, and continued his quest to Bury the Vampires. Finally, hacking and coughing from his deadly affliction, he stood atop the Burial site of the final Vampire. Choking and spitting, he made his way towards the table and shook Jullianne's shoulders.

"Wake up! You need to wake up!"

Curse him for not dabbling in White Magery and not learning Life!

"C'MON Jullianne! Wake up!"

Still no sign of movement from Jullianne.

Phoenix finally thought to check her pulse. Thankfully it was still beating, though rather faint and few. Phoenix's mind was racing as he thought of something he could do to revive her. He suddenly remembered he had a few items on the pouch belt strung across his chest.

Holy Waters? He tried it just incase she was Zombified or something… there was seemingly no effect.

Maidens Kiss? She wasn't a toad!

Potion? No effect… not even on the pulse.

Then, a feather slipped out of one of his pouches. Phoenix Down!

'DUH!'

And so he placed the feather of the sacred Phoenix on Jullianne's chest (he couldn't help but noticed how… well endowed Jullianne was), and watched as it seemed to melt into her system. There was temporarily an ethereal glow about her, a flash, and then her eyes flitted open!

Hacking, wheezing, and smiling, Phoenix gave her a HUGE hug. Her eyes bugged out.

"Gack! Can't… breathe…"

"Oh… sorry…" cough. "Umm… a little Esuna if you wouldn't mind?"

Jullianne smiled. "Gladly. And a Cura to top it off."

Once that was done, Phoenix grabbed her free hand and pulled her along as fast as she could keep up.

"Apparently there were more Vampires than we had expected. Not to mention I saw some Zombies and Antlions as I was running over here. We need to get back there… FAST."

"… I can see that."

Phoenix already had his bow armed with a Burial Arrow and let loose at the closest Vampire he could find. It missed, much to his dismay, and he armed another one, determined to take out that Vamp. This one struck and the Vampire was now 6 feet under with a gravestone and a few pretty flowers on top. Grinning at his handiwork, Phoenix continued on, Burying Zombies and Vampires alike while Jullianne was busy shanking Antlions with Last Breath (When she had changed to White Mage, she forgot to change her secondary jobset from Corner to Sharpshoot).

"Don't use MP on them yet! Find the group and heal them! They're probably near-dead from Poison and damage!"

"Right! I'm on it! Help me get through!" Jullianne started making a mad dash for the bridge crossing the Ulei. It was currently jam-packed with monsters. Phoenix unleashed a few quick Sonic Booms which helped scatter them and allow Jullianne passage.

"Not a moment too soon! Mack's down, and we need medical attention, FAST!"

"Working on it!" Jullianne first gave Life to Mack, who smiled and resumed Hasting and Stopping when he saw fit. Then everyone had their poison removed and were hit with Curaga shortly thereafter, which also hit some meleeing Vampires and killed them at the same time.

"Man, I love the area effect of Curaga…"

Dave sighed. "This is getting WAY too out of hand… I'm gonna summon a Totema. Now's as good a time to use my 10 JP as I'll ever get."

"I sssecond that motion…"

"I third it, kupo!"

"'I third it'? What'sss THAT supposed to mean?"

"Forget that, guys! Let's hit these Zombies with some Totema action!"

An appearance of Mateus, Famfrit, and Adremmelech quickly removed the swarm of Vampires, Zombies, and other nasties from the field.

"… let's get out of here before more of the freaks pop up."

"I sssecond that as well…"

"Third, kupo!"

"Mack… jussst keep your mouth ssshut…"

"Kupo…"

(Insert scene change here)

The group was back in Cyril where, upon the return of the captured daughter, they were bestowed with stacks upon stacks of cookies, much to the delight of everyone there… particularly Yuwain.

"CHOCOLATE! Exxxcellent!"

"Well, since I don't have that much gil that I could give you, I figured I'd treat you to a full load of my homemade Chocolate Chip cookies."

"Oh, thank you very much, ma'am."

"And in the future, stop by if you're in the neighborhood. My kitchen will always be open to you kind souls for rescuing my daughter from those nasty creatures!"

"We must admit, ma'am… it wasn't an easy task… quite hard for our standards, actually."

"Oh! Well, I'm terribly sorry for putting you through so much trouble, dears. But it's over and done with, now isn't it? All that matters is that my daughter is safely back in my arms!"

"And we have cookiesss…"

"Oh, put a sock in it, Yuwain."

"Well, I must make sure my daughter is all right from the encounter, so if you'll excuse me, dearies… have a good day to all of you, and don't forget to stop by later!" The door closed and they all began walking happily to the pub for their night's lodgings, while Yuwain munched happily on the cookies.

"YUWAIN!"

"Hwhut?"

"First of all… don't speak and chew at the same time… second of all… DON'T EAT ALL THE COOKIES, YOU DUMB BANGAA!"

Yuwain finished chewing the four cookies that were simultaneously tossed into his gaping maw and responded. "Firssst of all, usss Bangaa are not stupid. Sssecond of all, I can eat asss many cookiesss as I like, right Dave?"

"Wrong."

"WHAT!"

"We want some too, you know."

Jullianne giggled at this developing conversation/argument. Phoenix smirked.

"Did I just hear a giggle?"

Snerk. "Yes…"

"Wow… never thought I'd live to see the day that Jullianne the Sniper would giggle."

"What's this? Jullianne giggled?"

Snerk. "Now look what you've started, Phoenix!"

"Huh? I didn't start anything! It was YOUR giggling that caused me to make that comment."

"Who's giggling? Surely not Jullianne."

"Apparently, it IS Jullianne."

"Whoa…"

Jullianne sighed. "Oi… this can't turn out good."

"Mark your calendars!"

"Hide in the bomb shelters!"

"Write a book about it."

"JULLIANNE THE SNIPER HATH GIGGLED!"

"… do you really need to shout it?"

Heads started poking out of windows and doorways.

"What? THE Jullianne? Giggling?"

"Oh, dear lord… NOW look what you've started, Phoenix."

"I repeat, I didn't start anyth-"

"Yes you did, and you know it!"

(Insert scene change here)

After wading through a mass of curious people hoping to hear Jullianne giggle again, they managed to get the door shut to their room and Jullianne turned and glared at all of them.

"NEVER do that again…"

"Well… we kinda thought it amusing and…"

"… it kinda snowballed downhill from there…"

"KINDA!"

"Yeah… kinda…"

Jullianne sighed. "Fine… you're all off the hook this time… just deal with that crowd outside. I never knew I was so well-known for being a stern Sniper…"

Phoenix walked over to the door, cracked it open, said in a matter-of-fact tone, "Jullianne has left the building." And shut the door again.

He was greeted with odd looks from his fellow clanners.

"… Jullianne has left the building?"

Phoenix shrugged. "Hey… I picked it up from a concert I went to. Apparently the crowd wouldn't move until someone said something to that effect on the speakers."

"Ah…"

"Well guys, do whatever you please, now. Be it going downstairs and grabbing a drink, having dinner…"

"… Eating cookiesss."

"PUT A SOCK IN IT, YUWAIN."

"Fine… but that'sss what I'm doing… see you guys later." And he walked out with the platter of cookies.

Euphem immediately got up. "That plate of cookies ain't leavin' MY sight with Yuwain in command of them." And she followed shortly thereafter.

"I'm feeling in the mood for a drink, kupo."

"Same feeling here, kupo." And the two moogles left.

"I'm in the mood for… a salad." Nu mou gone.

"Ah, sssome cooked meat ssssounds good to me right about now… sssee you guysss later." And the second Bangaa left.

"I'm gonna agree with Chris on that one, bye." With that, Dave was gone, and Phoenix and Jullianne were the only two left in the room.

Phoenix had a funny feeling this was all planned out. He gave a slight cough, shuffled his feet, and looked down to examine then.

"Yes… well…"

"Right… well, then…"

"Hmm… yes…"

"Umm… thanks for saving me?"

"Sorry for being an-" Phoenix caught himself before he started using vulgar language in front of Jullianne. The book had recommended against vulgar language in front of the target, even if she swears herself… it's the mark of a true gentleman if you don't swear in front of ladies.

Jullianne giggled.

"What? Twice in one d-"

"Don't get started."

"Sorry."

"But seriously… thanks for saving me. I mean, true there was a judge there, but I wasn't exactly on the playing field, now was I?" They both grinned.

"No, you weren't exactly on the field. But I'm also serious… sorry for being an-… an idiot."

Jullianne smiled and gave him a hug. "Ah, it's okay. I believe you after what you said a month or so ago."

'Was it really that long ago?'

"So you trust me?"

The Viera gave him an odd look. "Is that a mistake?"

"Oh, no!" Phoenix said hurriedly. "Not at all! Just checking to see if I believe my ears."

Jullianne gave a small laugh and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

'Still as soft as ever…'

"Ah, you're too cute, Phoenix. Shall we join our friends in the cookie feast?"

"Yes, I think we shall."

Arms slung around shoulders, the two friends walked out of the room and into the main room of the pub to eat some high quality cookies.


	7. Step Five

A/N: Hmmm… no Lard Orcs yet… must be doing a good job, then.

Step Five

"Step five: This is the big step. The biggest step thus so far, anyway. When you feel that you're comfortable talking to her about anything (and vice versa), now is the time to ask her if she's willing to be your girlfriend. We are not kidding about this, as it is very important that she's on intimate terms with you to progress further.

Note: If you're nervous, try presenting her with a gift to go along with the question. Something as simple as a rose, or something as expensive as a class-friendly weapon that the target does not have yet."

Phoenix just stared at the book for a good ten seconds. "I gotta be her girlfriend? Aww, crap."

"Don't you mean her boyfriend?"

"Umm… yeah, Yuwain… meant to say boyfriend…"

"Kupo, Phoenix! You can be rather goofy sometimes, kupo!"

The young Hunter just sighed. "Whatever. The point is…. boyfriend?"

Yuwain started sniggering. "Have fun Phoenix…"

Of course, the three men had to come up with a plan, as previous experience proved to them that just winging it isn't exactly the best plan. And of course, the three men are guys, so they can't come up with a complex plan, either. Of course, they decided to follow the books advice and go buy something. They thought about the bow, but decided against it because it wouldn't mean as much since the clan could buy any bow they want. They thought about the rose, but didn't know where the heck they'd find one (remember… guys). However, after much contemplation, Phoenix eventually came up with a half-decent idea.

"Say… do either of you guys know where I could find a magical seamstress-type person?"

(Insert scene change here)

That very question caused Phoenix to find himself on the top of the highest mountain in the Kudik Peaks, sitting cross-legged across from a rather old-looking Nu Mou Alchemist.

"So… you are requesting a special item of clothing, yes?"

"Right… something along the lines of an armband. Mostly for decorational or cool-looking purposes, but if you can give it the ability to nullify zombification, that'd be great."

"… Zombification?"

"Inside joke."

"Hmmm… I think I could manage that. You wouldn't happen to have any material on hand that I could work with, now would you?"

"Actually, I've got some rabbit fur from lunch… caught him about an hour ago, so the hide isn't stiff yet, either."

The Nu Mou's face lighted up. "Rabbit hide, hmm? Yes, that should do rather nicely. It's soft, comfortable, and rather receptive to enchantments, too. May I see it?"

Phoenix handed over the rabbit pelt and the Alchemist quickly took it and examined it with a careful eye. He nodded at times, mumbled to himself at others. Finally, he looked up and smiled at Phoenix.

"You did a most excellent job of skinning that rabbit and keeping the hide in good condition. Come back in about five days, and I'll have your armband ready. Oh, and a 5,000 gil tip would be most appreciated for the labor required of enchanting it."

"No problem. Thank you, sir."

(Insert scene change here)

"Where have YOU been, Phoenix?"

The culprit-in-question had just walked into the main pub in Cyril and joined the rest of his clan at a table. They had been there for about half an hour already… they ALWAYS came in at 10 o'clock and it was 10:30.

"Umm… sleeping in?"

"You weren't in your room, I checked."

Phoenix's eyes widened. "You mean you came INTO my room?"

Jullianne raised an eyebrow. "Anything wrong with that?"

Phoenix quickly recovered from his shock. "Um, no… nothing wrong with it at all. It's just… a mess, that's all."

"The place was immaculate."

Phoenix pointed a finger at Yuwain. "He cleaned it up. He always likes keeping the room clean."

"Your point? You're sounding rather edgy, Phoenix… are you alright?"

"Fine! Perfect! Never been better!"

"Mmmhmmm… right… perfect. Well, Dave was just informing us about another upcoming mission. We'll be needing you for it, too, so don't go running off again."

"Oh, a mission! What's the specs?"

Dave cleared his throat and told Phoenix about 'the specs'. "Well, it's not really an official mission, it's just that a Morpher was looking for someone who could get him a flan soul or two. We said you'd be up for the job."

Phoenix nodded. "Of course! Where are the flans?"

"Koringwood."

Phoenix froze for a second. Koringwood was as far from Kudik Peaks as humanly possible.

"… And how soon is this mission?"

"Three days from now. Why?"

"Umm… problem… I kind've have a… aherm… 'appointment' at Kudik Peaks in five days…"

Deathly silence at the table.

"What?" Jullianne asked in a flat tone of voice.

"I need to meet someone at Kudik in five days… that's where I was guys. It's rather… important that I get to that meeting."

"I'll go for you, ya ssstupid oaf."

Phoenix lighted up when he heard Yuwain's offer.

"You mean you'll do it?"

"No… I was jussst kidding. I'll make sure I stay away from Kudik five days from now JUST so you get in trouble. Of COURSSSE I'm going!"

The Hunter grinned at his Gladiator friend. "Thanks, Yuwain. It means a lot to me."

"That'sss why I'm doing it."

"And if you could bring 5,000 gil with you, that'd be great."

"I'm not EVEN going to asssk…"

Dave smiled and silently thanked Yuwain for rescuing his plan. No, not Phoenix's plan… Dave's plan. Now that Phoenix had accepted, he sprung the rest of his 'trap' that he had so carefully set for Phoenix, as well as for the clan… well, one other member of the clan, anyway.

"Well, here's the deal, Phoenix. Quite a few Wyrms and Drakes are occupying Koringwood at the moment, so we can't have a full party go in there. We'd make too much noise. We were thinking of sending just two people: you and one other. Bangaa are too noisy, no offense guys…"

"We've been over thisss already… we didn't take any offenssse ten minutes ago, ssso we won't take any now…"

"Right… anyway, Nu Mou would be too slow. Moogles would be okay, except the two we have are a bit chatty on missions, as I have noticed oh so many times in the past."

"Sorry, kupo…"

"It's nothing to be sorry about! Usually it's a good thing, since it keeps us entertained on those long boring walks. But now… it just won't work."

'So then that leaves…'

"So we decided a Viera would be our best bet-"

'Lemme guess. It's gonna be-'

"Jullianne was the better pick of the two, being a Sniper and all that. Good for stealth, you know."

'Man… Dave's one perceptive guy. Thanks dude.'

"The other pro about Jullianne is that she's also had a fair amount of experience as a white mage. Always handy to have one of those around, yes?"

"Of course. Just gotta be careful if something happens to the white mage."

"Which is exactly why we're giving you twenty Curealls and ten Phoenix Downs for the trip."

"Ah."

"Well, best get packing for the mission, then! You should leave soon, just in case the flan get bored of Koringwood."

Phoenix nodded. "Yeah… good idea. Can I take a look at the mission info sheet so I can recap on all of this without forcing you to repeat yourself again?"

"Like I said, it's not an official mission thing, so there's no sheet. I just met this Nu Mou on the way over here, so it's sort of a 'black market mission' if you will."

Phoenix nodded. "Alright. I think I got it all anyway… just wanted to make sure."

"Well then, you better get moving."

"Awww, man! Can't I finish my drink?"

"Scoot!"

"… Fine…" Phoenix got up and headed towards the room which he, Yuwain, and Mack shared. Jullianne followed suit, heading off to the room she and Euphem shared. Everyone watched them, except for Yuwain, who noticed a smirk on Dave's face.

"There isss no missssion… isss there?"

Dave grinned. "Nope."

"Then it'sss all a joke to get them hooked up?"

The grin grew wider. "Yup."

"Doesss Jullianne know about this?"

The grin grew wider still. "Nope."

"Do you think ssshe'll be okay with it?"

If the grin grew any more, it would have cracked. "Can't say."

Yuwain turned to look back at the staircase that the two had just ascended.

"Thisss should be fun, then."

A/N: From now on, I think all steps will be requiring two chapters…


	8. Step Five Part II

A/N: Sorry for the long delay for this chapter… Had a lot o' stuff to'do. Speaking of the chapter, it's gonna be a lot o' talking between our favorite Hunter and our favorite Sniper. So if all that blah, blah, blah gets you bored real fast… that's a problem.

And a quick request that concerns only hoboslayer95 at the moment, but pertains to EVERYONE: Although I did find your review somewhat amusing, I doubt fanfiction enjoys having crude reviews written on a site where kids go to enjoy a good story. So if you're planning on reviewing in the future, please don't swear.

Step Five Part II

Phoenix and Jullianne had long since finished preparations for the "mission" and had long since started on their long walk to Koringwood. By now, they were well within its boundaries and just… walking, bows in one hand, swaying with their step.

And Phoenix found it incredibly dull.

"I'm bored."

"Deal with it."

"How?"

"How should I know?"

"You're the Sniper."

"And…?"

"… Good point."

"Well, can you do it without talking? We might accidentally alert the flan, and that would make our job a lot harder."

"You've just talked a whole lot more than I have thus so far."

"Stop talking."

"But I'm BORED!"

Jullianne winced.

"No yelling either!" she hissed under her breath.

"Oh… sorry…"

"Just… enjoy the scenery or something."

"That's what I've been doing for the past hour or so."

"Well, keep doing it."

So Phoenix decided to remain quiet for a while, talking her advice just to make the Viera happy. He sorta lied when he said he'd been looking at the scenery for the past hour. He was looking, but he wasn't really LOOKING. Now, he fully appreciated the beauty of what was around him. The tall, magical trees with tons of little critters using them as homes. The small, stubborn shrubs that were intent on living, even though their dose of sunlight was taken by the tall trees above. The large, rocky boulders that were strewn about by some ancient, unknown event.

The beauty of it all sparked something within Phoenix, what it was he couldn't exactly put his finger on. However, it caused him to do something that he was not consciously aware of.

"… What are you doing?"

This unconscious act happened to involve Phoenix lacing his fingers through Jullianne's. How he managed to get his fingers through those nails without so much of a cut was beyond him. However, this physical marvel was the last thing on his list to worry about. He quickly let go of Jullianne's hand, just in case the action might somehow offend her.

"Umm… holding your hand?"

"… Why?"

"I'm not quite sure… although I think it has to do with the beauty of this forest… somehow." He finished lamely.

"Oh, so the forest magically forced you to hold my hand?"

"Erm… not quite like that."

"Then how?"

And then Phoenix remembered.

"Ever since I was a little kid, I had this dream of walking through a beautiful forest, such as this, with someone I loved, someone I cared about. At the time, that probably translated into talking a walk with my sister, but that's because I was about five. Don't worry," He said quickly, catching Jullianne's weird look, "I'm not some sort of hick who has a thing for my sister. It's just… I dunno, she was the only girl I knew, and somehow the thought of walking through a forest, holding hands with a BOY didn't sound quite as romantic."

"… So, using the logic you've so kindly laid out, you're saying I fall under the category of someone you love?"

"Ummm…"

'Just say it dude… can't hurt anything, can it?'

"… Yeah… sounds about right."

It was now Phoenix's turn to give a weird look. He was expecting a slap, with the complimentary claw marks across his cheek to go with it, but what he got was a change in the color of Jullianne's face. Even though it was completely covered in fur, Phoenix swore he saw her face flush a bright red color.

"… Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Wha-?" Her voice cracked. The redness grew worse, and she tried again.

"What?"

"The redness in your face."

"Oh, I'm probably just hot, that's all."

Before he could stop them, the words came tumbling out of Phoenix's mouth.

"You most certainly are." He half-muttered, half-spoke.

Dead. Silence. Phoenix swore he all the lil' buggers in the forest had stopped their happy noise-making. Jullianne stopped walking, so Phoenix had to do the same thing.

Jullianne blinked a few times before asking. "What did you just say?"

"Uh… you most certainly are in need of some drink?"

Somehow, Jullianne bought it.

"Do you have anything?"

"… only some whiskey…"

Phoenix had decided to try the "woodsy man" stereotype and brought along a canteen of whiskey just so he could take a "hearty swig" from it now and then. Of course, he had completely forgotten about it… until now.

And it seemed that in her desperate attempt to make her excuse for turning bright red true, Jullianne responded with, "I'll take that."

Phoenix shrugged and handed over the bottle and Jullianne hastily unscrewed the cap and, in her zeal to prove her story, drained the entire thing. Phoenix, who had one eyebrow raised before, had his second eyebrow join the first in alarm.

"Uh… that probably wasn't a good idea…"

Jullianne wiped her mouth and handed back the bottle. "What? I was hot, and that seemed to have-" hic. "… hit the spot."

Phoenix gave her one final worried glance and finished with, "Well… if you say so."

So the pair continued in silence for a while, Jullianne occasionally letting out a quiet hiccup. After about fifteen minutes of walking (or, as in Jullianne's case, zig-zagging) in silence, the Sniper started giggling madly. The worried look arose on Phoenix's face once more.

"Are you alright, Jullianne?"

"Tee hee… you're cute."

Silence. And then…

"… What?"

Jullianne giggled some more, slung her arm around Phoenix's shoulders, and then became suddenly serious.

"I have a secret to tell you."

"… Alright…"

The Viera leaned in real close, put her hand next to his ear, as if some unwanted listener was eavesdropping, and then said, "You're sexy!"

Whatever Phoenix was expecting, it most certainly was NOT that. However, now that Jullianne was drunk, she was either just being goofy… or telling him what she actually felt.

"You think so?"

"Yessum… and I think you're funny too! Tee hee!"

"I think you've had a LITTLE too much to drink."

"Speaking'vedrinking…"

"What did you say?"

Jullianne let out an exasperated sigh.

"Speaking. Of. DRINKING… I'm thirsty!"

"Wah, wah, wah. You drained ALL of my whiskey, so I have nothing to give you. I feel no remorse, either."

Jullianne stopped walking… again. However, this time it wasn't with a look of incredulity, it was with a look of pondering.

"Hmmm… I've got an idea!"

"Oh boy… what is it?"

"Kissy, kissy!" She giggled.

"Huh? What are you-" But Phoenix was cut off when Jullianne threw herself at him and gave him a big and (much to Phoenix's distaste, although he shouldn't be complaining) sloppy kiss. Of course, she HAD hurled herself at him, and so the end result HAD to be…

WHOMP!

… A crash landing. Phoenix's eyes bugged out from the impact.

"Omph! Thanks… not that I really needed to get my back slammed into the forest floor, but oh well."

Jullianne's only response was a string of giggles.

'Man, are the boys gonna have a field day when I tell them about THIS.'

"Here… let's get up. We've got a mission, remember?"

"Hmmhmmmhmmm! Yup!"

"… You don't remember the mission… do you?"

"Of course I do, silly head!"

"Then what is it?"

"To tickle you as much as possible!"

"No… that's not it- HEY! NO! GACK!"

True to her word, Jullianne charged at Phoenix and started to tickle him full throttle. Phoenix thought that thinks couldn't have POSSIBLY gotten weirder… but with the tickling, they had. After fending her off for a few minutes, Jullianne got bored and stopped. A thought suddenly arose in Phoenix's mind: Jullianne drunk. Jullianne not thinking clearly. Jullianne make promise while drunk. Jullianne must keep promise when sober. Ask girlfriend-question.

"Say, Jullianne?"

"Hmmmhmmhmmmmhmm! Yes?"

"You think I'm sexy and funny, right?"

"Yupsedoodles!"

Phoenix paused, blinked, shook his head, and moved on.

"I'm not even gonna ask. Anyway, if you think I'm sexy and funny-"

"And cute!"

"Alright, and cute… do you want to be my girlfriend?"

She froze, and her eyes widened. Suddenly, Phoenix was worried the question had brought Jullianne out of her drunken state. Then she flung her arms around him and squealed with what seemed to be obvious happiness.

"I thought you'd never ask! Oh, this is gonna be fun, fun, fun!"

Before she could get any more worked up, Phoenix put a stern finger on her nose and looked her square in the eye.

"You promise you'll be my girlfriend?"

She gave a bouncy nod and supplemented with a "Mmhmm!"

Phoenix grinned. "Good. Now we can have fun!"

Just at that moment, Jullianne yawned.

"Phoenix? I'm tired… I think I'm gonna take a nap-" And she was out cold.

"… Figures…" Phoenix muttered to himself. Picking up Jullianne the way a Knight in Shining Armor would pick up his Rescued Princess, Phoenix continued on, in search of the flans, even though Jullianne was asleep. Besides, he could wake her up, and she'd probably be sober when he did, so they'd be fine.

And so, with his latest conquest (heck… his ONLY conquest) in his arms, Phoenix set off and searched the entire forest for the flans. No sign of them… OR the wyrms and drakes that Dave had warned of.

"Hey… I've seen this tree before… I'm going in circles… and I'm pretty sure I've been through this forest several times over. That means… There is no mission! So then Dave… just made my job of hooking up with Jullianne a heckuva lot easier. He is DEFINITELY getting brownie points for this one…"

Phoenix decided to start the long walk home, made easier by the lightening of his whiskey canteen… made harder by the fact he needed to carry a full grown Viera.

'This is so cool…'

A/N: I know, I know… that was probably one of the lamest chapter's I have written… and yes… I am leaving it at that. However, next chapter will show the Wrath of Khan- I mean… the Wrath of Jullianne… (any Star Trek fans out there, or are you guys too cool for that?)


	9. Step Six

A/N: Deeply sorry for the delay in posting this chapter… just didn't have time to do it shrugs

By the way… I've had an idea for a one-chapter "songfic" stirring around in my head for a while… so I may throw that one at you if I can get those thoughts that are floating aimlessly to piece themselves together. Anyway… the story.

Step Six

Phoenix opened the door to the room he shared with Mack and Yuwain looking rather harried. The two were waiting for him, as they had planned to meet this afternoon for the next phase of the plan. He entered the room, not even bothering to close the door, and just… stood there glaring at something Yuwain and Mack apparently could not see.

"What's with the look, kupo?"

"I don't want to talk about it…"

"…"

"Okay, I do." He plunked himself down on the edge of his bed and fell back, arms out wide like he was exhausted.

"…We're waiting… ssspit it out."

"HHHHHCCCCCKKK! TOOO!" A nice big loogie went sailing across the room and hit Yuwain square in the eye.

"… That wasssn't funny."

"I thought it was, kupo!"

"You're not helping…" Yuwain wiped the snot-spit-ball out of his eye with his hand, and wiped his hand on Mack's fur ("KUPO! That's GROSS!"), and looked back at the still-comatose-Phoenix.

"… Ssso?"

"It's Jullianne…"

"That'sss a bit obvious… what about her?"

"Loogies are gross, kupo…"

"MACK!"

"Sorry, kupo…"

Phoenix sighed and sat up, shaking his head slightly, as if to clear thoughts out of his head. "It's just that… RRR! She's so ANNOYING about the whole Drunk Jullianne incident. Okay… more than annoying… downright angry about it."

"… With good reason, kupo…"

"Well it's HER FAULT that she drained the canteen. I mean… true, I had kind've cornered her with questions about- What was that?" Phoenix had heard a floorboard creak outside the room.

Yuwain heard it too, for he got up, looked out into the corridor, and came back in shaking his head. "Didn't sssee anything. Continue."

Phoenix nodded, looking slightly relieved. "I was saying that I had sorta cornered her with questions about… well, about our…" Cough. "… relationship, I suppose. She got pretty embarrassed about something, I saw her cheeks get pretty red-"

"Had to have been pretty red if you could sssee them under all that fur…"

"That's what I was thinking. Anyway, she said she was thirsty, so I offered her my canteen of whiskey-"

"Why'd you bring a canteen of whiskey, kupo?"

"To come across as manly. Y'know… "Look at me! I drink whiskey! I'm a real man!" That type of thing."

"Pretty dumb, but continue."

Phoenix rolled his eyes, but obeyed. "Well, that's about it, 'cause from that point on, it was the Drunk Jullianne Show…" He let out a small snicker. "I gotta say, though… she was pretty funny… goofy is a better word, I think. Anyway, while she was drunk, I asked her if she'd be my girlfriend, and she said yes. I figured she would, she had pretty much said she thought I was hot, cute, and sexy while she was drunk."

Laughter erupted from both Yuwain and Mack. Phoenix seemed to find it funny too, for me started laughing. However, he seemed to find it funny for the wrong reason, because Yuwain gave him a weird look.

"What?"

"We weren't laughing with you… we were laughing because you're neither hot, cute, nor sexy…"

"HEY! I resent that!"

"But it'sss true. Anyway, now that you've told usss the ssstory… tell about what happened with Jullianne being angry."

Phoenix shuddered. "Man, that was ugly…"

Flashback-ish Thing

Phoenix and Jullianne had been sleeping under the shade of a tree on their way back from Koringwood. Jullianne hadn't woken up since she feel asleep drunk, and walking in the sun made Phoenix drowsy. So he found a nice tree on a grassy hill and fell asleep under it, sitting next to Jullianne with their hands entwined. It all seemed very romantic to Phoenix. That is, until-

"WHAT is going on!"

… until Jullianne woke up.

Phoenix grumbled a bit in his sleep, and made the mistake of tightening his hold on Jullianne's hand. The now extremely irate Viera ripped her hand away and slapped him across the face, adding a fresh set of claw marks to his cheek. THAT woke Phoenix up, and he sat straight up, looking around wildly.

"Huh? What's going on?"

"That's what I want to know, buddy!" Jullianne hissed, putting emphasis on the I.

"Whaddya mean?"

"WHY did I awake under a tree in SOME FIELD with YOU holding my hand? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN KORINGWOOD, DAMMIT!"

"To answer the question about Koringwood, we were going back to Cyril 'cause I found out there was no mission…"

"What?"

"And to answer the question about waking up under a tree in a field holding my hand… that'd be because I thought it'd be a nice thing to do for my girlfriend."

"WHAT!"

Phoenix looked at her and blinked. "… You don't remember anything, do you?"

"… Obviously not!"

Phoenix sighed. "Alright… let's calm down first. How 'bout a lil' kiss on the cheek to cheer you up, eh?" He asked cheerily.

"Oh, HELLS no!"

The cheery smile dropped immediately. "I see… well, here's the deal Jullianne… You got drunk-"

"No kidding, smart one."

Phoenix took a deep breath and repeated himself. "You got drunk and did some… unusual things."

"Don't say that we had s-"

"No, we did not, but you DID agree to be my girlfriend."

"You mean to say you asked me to be your girlfriend when I was DRUNK? When I don't have my wits about me? When I would say YES to ANYTHING?"

"… Even marriage?"

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

"Alright, alright! Don't start having a seizure… I'm sorry that I did that, I admit that counts as taking advantage of you. But the fact remains that-"

"… Oh, I can't wait to hear this one."

"The fact remains that you PROMISED you'd be my girlfriend."

"YOU MADE ME PROMISE SOMETHING WHEN I WAS DRUNK! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?"

Phoenix cringed and covered his ears. Jullianne leaned over, yanked his hand away, and screamed right into his ear. "STOP BEING CHILDISH!"

Phoenix muttered, "Yelling counts as being childish…"

"Shut up! I'm REALLY annoyed with you right now-"

"That's obvious."

"I'm annoyed for obvious reasons!"

Phoenix nodded. "I know! I know why you're annoyed, but you still gotta be my girlfriend!"

"WHY are you still hung up on THAT?"

"… Because…"

"Because WHY?"

Phoenix folded his arms across his chest and stuck his tongue out. "Just… Because! NNNNNNNN!"

… Another claw-mark later, and Phoenix's cheeks became symmetrical with the red slashes.

"Alright! If you're gonna be so CHILDISH about it, then I'm not going to deal with you right now… I don't know about you, but I want to get back!" And so she got up and started walking towards Cyril. Phoenix sighed and followed.

End of Flashback-ish Thing

Phoenix waited for the reaction of his friends.

He pretty much got none.

"Ummm… guys? Moral support would be nice…"

Yuwain shrugged. "It'sss your fault that it hasss ended up like thisss. Whatever. She'sss you're girlfriend now, ssso let's get to the next ssstep of the battle plan."

"Right, kupo!"

Phoenix rolled his eyes, but agreed. So the three took out the Holy Book of Dating, as they called it, and Phoenix read the next step.

"Now that the target is your girlfriend, you need to keep it that way. DO NOT let engagements keep you from talking to her as much as you can, or she will feel ignored and unhappy. Regular gifts would be a good idea. Another good idea is to learn how to kiss. It is highly unlikely that the target will find the relationship romantic if you lack any skills in kissing. She might find it "cute" for a while, but then it will get old."

Phoenix looked up from the book. "Well, that doesn't sound too hard. I mean… we all meet daily, and Jullianne 'n I could just go off afterwards any time-"

"Asssssuming she would want to…"

"Hey! She's my girlfriend now, and she's gotta keep her promise, right?"

"Doesssn't mean she hasss to do whatever you want…"

"Well, you get my point. She's supposed to at least TRY being my girlfriend, anyway."

"Well Kupo! It looks like things are starting to get interesting, kupo!"

"I'll say. Hey, I'm gonna run downstairs and grab some food. My stomach is killing me."

Phoenix got up to walk out the door, turned to face the door…

"Oh no…"

… And saw a wide-eyed Jullianne standing there in the doorway. She turned and bolted.

"That'sss not good."

"No kidding, kupo!"

But Phoenix hadn't heard either of their comments, because he was racing after the fleeing Veira, mutinous stomach and all.

A/N: Blah! I know it wasn't very long (and probably wasn't very good either ), but I was desperate to throw something out there for you guys to chew on so you didn't get tired of waiting for so long. Sorry 'bout that. I'll try to get the next one up ASAP and hopefully throw in that lil' songfic I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter.


	10. Step Six Part II: Failure

A/N: Hey! I didn't take an obscene amount of time in coming out with this one! pats self on back

Step Six Part II: Failure

Phoenix cursed at his stupidity as he raced after the retreating figure of Jullianne. Of COURSE she was there the whole time! He KNEW he had heard something creak outside… stupid Conceal… stupid Snipers… stupid Jullianne.

He rounded a corner just in time to see her round another, and by the time he'd turned to the next street, he saw no sign of her.

"Crap. Maybe the cross-street's a long one." Bounding after the intersection, stomach growling angrily at him, Phoenix hoped he could catch a glimpse of where the runaway-sniper was running away to.

But alas, it was to no avail. By the time he had reached the crossroad and looked each way down the street, he saw Jullianne nowhere.

"If I was a shocked, hurt, Viera Sniper named Jullianne… where would I want to hide…?"

Phoenix thought she might have sought out somewhere away from the city, like the meadows to the east, so he ran around the city (several times) hoping to find her.

No use.

After his third runaround, he leaned against the wall of a building, panting like a dog. Jullianne did NOT want to be found, he had no idea where to look next, and his stomach was killing him. He decided to solve the last problem by grabbing some grub from a food stand on one of the streets in Cyril. Once his stomach was satisfied, he decided to make his way back to the inn to report his failure to Mack and Yuwain.

On his way back, he took a shortcut through a back alley. His footsteps echoed off of the walls on either side of him, making his Hunterly senses cringe at the amount of noise he was making.

His Hunterly senses didn't cringe without reason, for within a few seconds, the sounds of scrambling echoed along with his footsteps. Behind several crates in front of him, a Viera leaped up, bow trained on his chest and eyes narrowed.

Jullianne.

Phoenix gave a sigh of relief. "Jullianne, I've been looking all over for y-" He leapt to the right to dodge the arrow as it whizzed by him.

"Too bad that missed. I'm not sorry at all."

'Ouch… not good.'

"Oh, come on Jullianne! Can't we just talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about? That you think stealing my heart is some kind of game? 'Catch that girl's heart to win! Bonus points if you get her laid before ditching!'"

Phoenix slapped his forehead. "That wasn't the point of using the book! You see-"

"Then what WAS the point, you little snot?"

"I'm getting there!" He shouted back heatedly. "You see, based on past experiences, I've come to realize I'm not very good at making good impressions-"

"What else is new?"

Ignoring her, Phoenix continued. "… So I thought maybe some advice on how to come across better would be in order. Therefore, I used the book."

"For your information, it doesn't give me a good impression of you to find out that you use a book to charm me."

'Charm her… say, that's not a bad idea…'

Phoenix discreetly took out his bow and, in one swift motion, fired a Cupid Arrow at Jullianne.

Phoenix swore her heart sounded like it was titanium reinforced when the arrow bounced uselessly off.

"… I can't believe you tried to pull that. You absolute loser."

Stunned at his stupidity, the Hunter blinked several times before saying, "Did I just do what I think it did?"

"Yeah, you dummy… you did. Now go away."

Phoenix didn't like that idea.

"I don't think I will."

"You're not impressing me at all by being stubborn."

"I want to talk to you."

Jullianne rolled her eyes. "What do you think we've been doing? I'm done talking, now scram."

"But I still want to-" And then he was talking to thin air.

'Damn Conceal ability…!"

Phoenix heard rapidly retreating footsteps.

Calling after them, he shouted. "I do love you!"

He heard them pause for a second, perhaps two, and then picked up again. Sighing, he walked back to the inn… defeated. He slowly made his way up the stairs into his room. He pushed the door open to see Yuwain and Mack lazily throwing a small ball back and forth across the beds.

They paused their little game when he came in and looked up. They noticed the look on Phoenix's face immediately and sighed.

"No luck, kupo?"

"No luck…"

"Any ideasss for what to do next?"

Phoenix nodded. "For me, one thing's for sure… I'm not following that damn book anymore… I'm playing by my own rules… and my own steps. I've already got my next step in mind, and you're probably not gonna like it."

"Kupo…"

A/N: sighs Yet another short chapter. They will get longer and more interesting in the future, I can assure you that much. I will still be sticking to my chapter-titling format (because I find it cool)… they'll just be Phoenix's steps.


	11. Step Seven

A/N: Myrrr… M'dad wants to reload my comp within the next few days, so until I can get things rolling after the reload, I won't be able to make any progress on this.

Step Seven

Yuwain was fuming as he advanced on Phoenix, eyes glaring.

"THAT wasss your PLAN! THAT little stunt!"

"There's a reason I did it-"

"I DON'T GIVE A CARE TO WHAT REASSSON YOU SUPPOSSSEDLY HAVE!"

"I know what I'm doi-"

"Obviousssly you DON'T!"

"YUWAIN! QUIT YELLING!"

"WELL, YOU'RE NOT SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE!"

There was a glow from the corner of the room, and quite suddenly, both Phoenix and Yuwain found they couldn't move.

"Kupo! You're like a couple of bickering two year-olds, kupo! How about we settle this like MEN, kupo?"

He gave both Phoenix and Yuwain a sharp thwack with his Firewheel Rod.

After a few minutes, the two were brought back in time, albeit a bit calmer than before.

Mack looked at one, and then the other.

"Well then, kupo… are we going to be big boys now, kupo?"

Yuwain rolled his eyes.

"Yesss, daddy…"

THWACK.

"Alright, alright!" He turned to Phoenix. "Ssso… what's your BIG plan?"

Phoenix sighed. "Well, I figured it was a good idea…

(FLASHBACK)

It was a cold and dreary afternoon, perfectly suited for the mood of a particular human Hunter and a particular viera Sniper. Everyone at the table could sense the moodiness. They all stared at their drinks, sipping from the mugs occasionally. Finally, Phoenix cleared his throat and stood up. They all turned to look at him with curiosity in their eyes, except for Jullianne, who looked at him with hatred. Phoenix shot a quick glance at Yuwain and Mack. He told them to go along with whatever he did, or else things would really take a turn for the worst. He turned his attention back to the rest of the table, cleared his throat again, and said the two fateful words he'd been planning on saying since he came up with his own "plan".

"I'm leaving."

Silence. To Phoenix, it seemed like a three-quarter stunned silence and a one-quarter betrayed silence. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yuwain just staring at him.

"What?" Dave gave Phoenix an incredulous look.

"You heard me… I'm leaving. And so are Yuwain and Mack."

"Care to tell us why?"

There was a pause, Phoenix looked directly at Jullianne, and then, "Personal reasons."

Dave gave a small laugh, stood up, and put his arm around Phoenix's shoulders. "Buddy… can I have a word with you for a minute?"

Phoenix shrugged and let the clan leader take him over to the space under the stairs to the second floor.

"What in the blazes are you trying to do with this?" He hissed.

"It's simple, really. Jullianne hates me, and I can't concentrate AT ALL with that knowledge in the back of my mind, so I know my performance in engagements would drop considerably."

"Hogwash!" He growled. "Either you tell me WHY you're doing this, or I'm going to hunt you down in a Jagd after you leave the clan and slice your head off."

That seemed to work, for Phoenix gave a small sigh, closed his eyes, and explained. "I'm doing it to impress Jullianne."

"… I hate to say it, but I'm not following you."

"Here was what I was planning on doing. I would leave Armageddon, start my own clan, called Clan Jullianne, work the hell out of my clan members, and become one of the top clans in Ivalice. That way, I was hoping Jullianne would see that I would actually do that much for her and understand that I truly do care about her."

"Just because you'll name this clan of yours after her does not mean she'll think 'oh wow… he really does care!' Trust me buddy… it'll take a lot more than that. And besides, it's gonna be a while 'till you get rolling." He sighed. "But you know I'll try to help you… covertly of course. I'll recommend your clan to kids who try to join mine, I'll lend you some money, and I'll be slow on the uptake when it comes to missions."

This surprised Phoenix. "You'll really do that?"

Dave looked him straight in the eye. "Buddy, I'm not as stupid as you might think. I KNOW you love –yes, love- Jullianne, so I'll try to help you impress her. Of course, it won't be anything outright… just some of the stuff I mentioned."

Phoenix smiled. "Thanks Dave."

And they walked back to the table.

(END O' FLASHBACK)

"… Ssso that'sss what he sssaid to you…"

"See, kupo? If you didn't blow up at Phoenix, that would've come out earlier, kupo, and you would've saved yourself a lot of breath, kupo."

Phoenix nodded. "So there's my plan. My glorious, amazing plan… Go ahead, shank me with your Ultima Blade… hit me with your Fire Sword… hell, IMPALE MY CROTCH ON YOUR TEMPLAR SPEAR… I feel like an idiot… and I probably am one for doing that…" He looked thoroughly distraught.

Yuwain cracked a grin, nudged Phoenix in the side, and winked. "Well, for the time being… it looksss like we're back to three man battlesss!"

A/N: I'm finding that my chapters are becoming shorter and shorter… But the problem is, I've put all I need to in the chapter, so there's no more for me to write, unless I want to cram two chapters into one, and that'd be a big no-no (no pun intended).

Action-seekers, be still! There WILL be at least one battle scene in one of the upcoming chapters!

… that is… when I can actually get to writing them… stupid computer…


	12. Step Seven Part II

A/N: Yes… I've finally gotten back into the swing of things after reloading my computer. Accidentally forgot to save everything on it before the reload, but I hadn't started on this chapter beforehand, so it's all good. Still feel kinda stupid for making such a dumb mistake, though.

P.S.A/N: This chapter is one of those paragraph catch-you-up-to-speed chapters. The NEXT one will be the interesting one, I promise. For sure. Seriously.

Chapter Seven Part II

Phoenix did indeed stay true to his word and left the clan, taking his two friends with him. Some good things came out of the encounter with Clan Armageddon. For one thing, they had a friend in the leader of the aforementioned Clan Armageddon who was willing to help them out when he could. For another, Phoenix had a second (as well as a third) mastered job set, and a new respect for arrows. The third, and perhaps the most important (well, for Mack and Yuwain, anyway), Dave managed to talk Phoenix out of calling his new clan "Clan Jullianne". He flatly stated that it wasn't very creative, and he was sure Phoenix could come up with better. So Phoenix thought long, and he thought hard, and in the time span of two minutes, came up with Clan Amor, which Dave thought was a bit better.

So Phoenix & Co. went back to three-man engagements, Phoenix still as a Hunter/Archer, Mack still as a Time Mage/Black Mage, but Yuwain, who had decided to change to a Dragoon/Templar while they were with Armageddon, chose to stick with his new job class and continue to make advances with it (besides, Dragonheart was just too tempting to give up).

As promised, Dave recommended Phoenix's new clan to potential clan members, but most of them were too distraught with the rejection of the prestigious Armageddon to even care. However, one Nu Mou, Nelson, took Dave's wise advice and looked up Phoenix, who was currently hanging out in Baguba Port. Without giving one word pertaining to his abilities, the Black Mage was onboard. It was convenient that the Nu Mou had already mastered all three disciplines of Black Magic, as Phoenix had bigger, better plans for Nelson. Changing him to a White Mage (much to Nelson's confusion), Phoenix kindly explained to him that Nelson was to be an Illusionist, and "da kewlest one eva" at that. Nelson had a small fit when Phoenix used that uneducated accent, but quickly recovered when he found out it was only meant to be a joke, and would not be repeated.

It was convenient that the group now had a White Mage, for now they could be a little more risky when it came to attack plans, and now they needn't worry about potions. In fact, once Nelson had learned Cure, Cura, Curaga, Esuna, Life, and Auto-Life, and Turbo MP Phoenix figured that was all he needed to know as far as White Mage abilities went and promptly switched him over to an Illusionist.

Phoenix had never seen an Illusionist in action before, and was truly astounded when he saw Prominence or Tempest in action. The first time was a real shocker, though.

(FLASHBACK THINGY)

"Shoot… we're getting mobbed, and ironically enough, they're all pretty weak now."

Mack had been KO'ed, Yuwain had met the same fate via magic, and it was down to Phoenix and Nelson. Nelson could have given Life to Yuwain or Mack, but he decided to try out some of his Phantasm Skills (besides, All Field Skills had been recommended today) and summoned a Tempest.

Phoenix looked up, saw the sky turn black as night, and started swearing like a madman when he saw the lightning flash down onto the field. He ducked, cowered, and prayed to Prince Mewt that he may live through what was going on. However, when the sky cleared, he hadn't suffered a scatch, and all the enemy fighters were KO'ed.

"… Wow…"

(END OF FLASHBACK THINGY)

So, With Nelson the Illusionist on their team, Phoenix's Clan Amor could now start attempting to take clan turfs from other clans. Never any from Armageddon, of course, but he would challenge Brass Dragoons, or Shalo for a piece of turf that they could call home. They eventually won some land, Tubola Caves, and immediately set to work doing something that they were sure no other clan had done to turf before: "adjusting" it. They put in traps, high vantage points, cheap snipe spots, killing zones, and easily defendable positions. True, this activity may have been questionable in the minds of some, but it was their turf, right?

So after a few battles and Amor felt they needed some R&R, or they just didn't feel like engaging and wanted to hang out at their "home base" instead, they would head on over to Tubola Caves, remove the occasional red panther that decided it would sleep on their turf, and just chat about life, experiment with some abilities, and all around have fun.

Eventually, their next addition came in the form of another human, Spengler. He was a fresh White Mage who knew nothing, but had a lust for battle. Since they already had Nelson and his repertoire of White Magic, Phoenix decided to have Spengler learn cure, then made him a Black Mage, made him learn the basic black magic attacks, then made him into what Phoenix had planned all along: A Blue Mage.

Armed with his Blue Saber, Phoenix threw a shaking Spengler into the path of many monster, learning abilities from many, and none from others. Phoenix was finally forced to have Nelson become a Beastmaster so Spengler could learn some of the "White" Blue Magic abilities. Phoenix almost felt bad for the brave Blue Mage at times, especially when putting him face-to-face with such fearsome monsters as Lamias, Vampires, and Zombies. However, it was all worth it in the end, for Spengler now had a good-sized amount of Blue Magic under his belt, and was a handy fellow to have around in battles.

The other good thing about having Spengler battle-ready was Clan Amor now had a team of units that could do full-sized engagements, since most clans/groups sent out five units at a time for standard engagements. Now with this new source of income to the clan funds, Phoenix was able to buy better equipment for his Clan and, consequently, do better in battle.

The next member onboard was a Viera Assassin, Melanie who had just recently qualified to be an Assassin, and therefore had no skills in that job set. However, she did have a few more Elementalist abilities than just the two required to be an Assassin, and she had the most practical Sniper abilities mastered. For now, Phoenix chose to have Melanie make Sharpshoot her secondary job set, and started her off with Last Breath.

After a while, Clan Amor started making a name for itself, and was rapidly raising up in the ranks fame-wise, and was starting to draw some serious attention. Most of the shop-owners and pubmasters knew the members by name, and some of the shops were giving them slight discounts, even though they weren't on Amor's turf. Finally, Phoenix had the team of fighters he wanted, and the prestigious clan he wanted. He felt just about ready to fight anyone.

Even Armageddon.

A/N: Aha! That right there, my friends, is a little bit of obvious foreshadowing cough

Aherm… right, then. Once again, sorry for the long wait for a not-so-glorious chapter… it seems I've fallen into a habit of doing that lately. Don't worry, the next one'll blow you out of the water, and if I don't think it will, I'll edit and re-edit it until it's what I consider satisfactory for your viewing pleasure.


	13. Step Eight: Showdown

A/N: Sorry for the long wait… again… homework has been swamping me like crazy… had virtually NO time to do stuff this week, and I was "catching up" on my lost game time over the weekend from last week so- oh, enough with the excuses… here it is.

Chapter Eight: Showdown…

Clan Armageddon was lounging around in a pub in Cyril one day, and Christopher, their Templar, came walking back after having a small chat with the pub master.

"Asssked our little friend over there if he heard any new rumorsss, and he had a new one about thisss Clan Amor."

"Really?" Dave made no sign of recognition when he heard the name.

"Yeah… and he sssaid they're getting pretty powerful… powerful enough to take usss on, even…"

"Really?" Dave raised an eyebrow at this new information.

"Yeah… anything you want to do about it bossss?"

"Well, no. Not really… if there's another powerful clan going up in the ranks, then it'd be good to have some friendly competition now and then, right?"

"Phoenix isss the clan leader."

Dave was truly proud of his feigned shock. "Really now?"

"Yesss…"

"Well then, I suppose we should do something…"

"I have an idea."

"Kupo! Phoenix, come look at this, Kupo!"

Mack was hopping up and down, pointing to the list of mission requests at the pub. Or rather, at a particular mission request. Phoenix read it out loud, mostly for the sake of his fellow clan members who had come over to see what was getting Mack all worked up into a tizzy.

"Clan Armageddon has officially challenged Clan Amor to a formal engagement that is to take place at the Bervenia Palace. On the 15th day of the Sagemoon, come watch the two best clans in all of Ivalice face-off! Note: Special laws will be in effect."

There was a small silence that lasted for about a minute, and then Phoenix broke it with a clap of his hands, and a rubbing of his fingers together. "Well… ladies and gentlemen… boys and girls… it looks like we have no choice but to show up at this challenge, or else we'll forever be labeled as cowards."

"We are NOT cowardsss…"

"Of course not Yuwain… which is we will go… and which is why we are going to train our butts off until the 15th rolls around."

And so they did work their butts off. Phoenix more than any of them. Trying to get his Concentration up to near flawless, even when standing directly in front of the person. That would come in real handy, especially coupled with Faster.

One thing that Phoenix did for personally symbolic reasons was wear the anti-zombification armband he had that Nu Mou make for Jullianne. He wore it everywhere he went, all the time, even when he slept. By now Melanie had all of her important Assassin skills mastered, Spengler was ready for action, and Nelson was doing all he could to prevent himself from practicing his Phantasm Magic in the Sphrom town square.

Eventually, the 15th day of the Sagemoon rolled around, and Phoenix could tell things would get hectic.

By the time Phoenix and his team had reached Bervenia on the 15th, the stands around the field in use were packed. Speaking of the field, Phoenix took a closer look at where he would be fighting.

It looked interesting.

Apparently, it was a combination of the four elements of the world. A section of the map was dominated by water, with a few islands. Another section was volcanically active, with streams of lava coursing through the rock beds. A third section was a network of canyons that looked rather… deep. The fourth section seemed to be composed of clouds, going higher and higher into the sky until Phoenix was forced to crane his neck upward to see where the final platform was located. In the center of the map was a vortex of the four elements. It did not look like something Phoenix wanted to take a walk through, simply put. Oh, and the entire map was BIG.

Clan Armageddon had already deployed itself on one side of the map, the canyon side. The opposite side of the field was the water side, so Phoenix positioned them all on a island located at one edge of the field. Since the area was so massive and the two clans so far apart, he didn't really care how they were ordered.

A judge appeared before them, and Phoenix noticed a judge had appeared before Clan Armageddon as well. This was new to Phoenix: two judges for one engagement.

"Greetings Clan Amor. I will be your personal judge. It is my job to card you on any infractions made by your clan. The laws for this engagement are as follows: R7 for use of any law cards. R7 for use of any items. R7 for Inflicting Status Ailments. And finally, R7 for Status Enhancements." He looked over all of them before continuing. "Simply put. This is an all-out brawl. No clever tactics other than maximizing the damage you can inflict upon your opponents. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir!" Was the unanimous shout.

"Good." He turned to the other judge and gave an "all-clear" signal. Judgemaster Cid materialized in the middle of the field (well, close to the middle… he was smart enough not to materialize in the elemental vortex), and gave the whistle that started the engagement.

The three Viera went first, Jullianne, Melanie, and Euphem, each of them wisely Concealing to get in deep and do some damage. Phoenix smirked when he thought about Euphem and how much trouble she was in with the laws. Since all Elementalist abilities also inflicted Status Ailments, she would probably have to stick with her rapier and do physical damage. After the Viera had made their moves, Dave was next. He advanced forward, leaping over a canyon and Waiting for his next turn to come around. Phoenix was next. After moving forward onto the water (yes, onto… he was wearing feather boots), he was about to Boost himself when he remembered the law on Status Enhancements.

'Man, this is going to be one tough engagement.'

The first few moves were rather dull (except for Nelson's Phantasm Magic, which hit about half of them each time), because the two clans had to actually reach each other. Phoenix saw that Melanie had made her way towards the clouds, apparently trying to get an easy vantage point for cheap shots. Smart thinking on her part, although Phoenix was certain Armageddon's Sniper was going to do the same thing. Fortunately Jullianne didn't have the Last Breath ability that Melanie had…

"Ah, crap."

… But then he realized she had a ribbon, which nullified KO's… peachy.

"Guess this IS an all-out brawl…"

Dave's Templar was the first to fall, thanks to Nelson's rather excellent Illusionist Magic. However, he was starting to run low on MP, and since items were outlawed, he was starting to conserve his magic, opting instead to wait to get MP back faster.

Phoenix was starting to get closer towards the edge of the water map when he saw ripples on the water that belonged to seemingly no one. He memorized the spot carefully, and on his next turn, he fired a Concentrated Sonic Boom near where he saw the ownerless ripples. Sure enough, he heard the sound of someone getting hit, and Euphem was forced out of Concealment from the hit. Phoenix grinned, proud of his ingenuity.

The engagement continued, Jullianne and Melanie finding each other and starting their personal battle. Since they were both stealth-style Viera, they had heightened evasion, which was making it harder for them to hit one another, even with Jullianne's Concentration. Eventually, however, the Assassin was bested by the Sniper, and Jullianne, from her superb sniper spot, started taking pot shots and the people from down below. Because of her height, she was able to shoot farther with good accuracy.

Spengler was inducing total ownage with Twister and Matra Magic. Nearly KO'ed Dave when he did the HP MP reversal, but Dave cast Curaga on himself with what little MP he had picked up from his time as a White Mage.

Yuwain, injured from a Backdraft by Dave, simultaneously KO'ed Euphem while healing himself with Lancet. However, he was then KO'ed himself with a rather well-aimed arrow from Jullianne. Mack had been KO'ed early from being double-teamed by Dave and his Templar, Christopher.

So right now, the remaining combatants were Phoenix, Nelson, Spengler, Dave, Jullianne, Jack (Gunner), and Geoffry (Sage). A few Discharges from Nelson's Phantasm Magic took care of Jack and Geoffry, but then Nelson himself was taken down by the high and mighty Jullianne.

Dave eventually took down Spengler, managing to KO him before the Blue Mage could pull off an Angel Whisper. It was down to the three "core" combatants: Dave, Jullianne, and Phoenix.

Phoenix's turn. He fired an Ultima Shot at Dave, effectively taking him out of commission. He turned to face Jullianne, waiting for her shot, which would probably be Faster. You see, Phoenix had managed to improve his ability to Block Arrows, even though he had Concentrate in use. He was certain that if Jullianne fired a regular arrow, he could dodge it. He was certain Jullianne knew that to.

'Hey, maybe that's an idea…'

Jullianne's turn. It was down to her and Phoenix, and she was sure Phoenix would lose. But she decided to taunt him first. She'd fire a shot that could be easily dodged, giving Phoenix false hope that he just might beat her (she was Certain that a Hunter such as Phoenix did not have enough MP to fire two consecutive Ultima Shots). She pulled back her bow…

'Perfect…' Phoenix thought.

Release. The arrow went sailing, whistling as it went. One hundred feet.

Phoenix calmly took off his Chain Mail armor, casting it aside. Eighty feet.

Jullianne raised an eyebrow. That was odd… was he trying to mock her, saying that one shot would not kill him, even with no armor on? Sixty feet.

Phoenix got down on both knees, bow lowered and both arms at his sides. Fourty feet.

What was he doing? Jullianne was uncertain-

… Oh. Twenty feet.

Phoenix grinned. This was it. Ten feet.

Jullianne's eyes widened. The little twerp was actually going to take it. As much as she hated him, she didn't want to kill the boy. Five feet.

Phoenix closed his eyes and felt the wind before the arrow, sensing from the angle of the wind that the missile would strike him through the heart.

'I hope this is enough, Jullianne.' He thought.

Contact.

A/N: Bwahaha… I will be hiding from you readers now, since you may be annoyed at being forced to wait for FAR too long for a chapter like this. Well, here's THE chapter… The action-packed engagement chapter. I hope the ending was dramatic enough for you. But more importantly, I hope I can come up with more of the plot so the story can keep going… dunno what's gonna happen yet, other than a vague idea.

I guess we'll both have to wait to find out.

TehHealist


	14. Step Eight Part II: Death Beds or No?

A/N: Alright… due to high demand demands, some offers that I can't refuse looks at MakoStreak/Aria, and the cruelty of how I left you on the last chapter… I've worked as fast as my lil' A-

… as fast as my lil' butt could carry me to get this next chapter out.

Hey… all you people who like to know the ending at the beginning… Phoenix dies… WAHAHAHAHAHA!

Step Eight Part II: Death Beds… or No?

Jullianne's eyes were as wide as saucers when she saw Phoenix take the arrow, saw the arrow rip through his flesh, and saw that he fell down face forward, which drove the arrow further and caused it to pop out through his back.

The Judges, indifferent as ever, declared the match won by Armageddon. However, after the formalities of the engagement, Judgemaster Cid raced over to the limp Hunter, dismounted his Chocobo, and knelt down next to Phoenix to examine exactly what happened.

He checked his pulse first. It was still going, though not very strong. His eyes widened in horror when he saw the arrow move in rhythm with the pulse. Had the arrow really pierced his heart? If it did, he should be dead right now, but he wasn't. Maybe the heart was beating for a few minutes longer before it finally died out.

Regardless, he picked up the body, stood up, and warped into the Bervenia Medical Center. By this time, Jullianne had raced down the cloud steps and reached the two just as Cid had warped.

"Dammit." She cursed under her breath. "Why is this happening? It's because Phoenix is being a love-sick fool. Stupid Phoenix! Stupid, stupid, stupid Phoenix! Now he's got my heart racing because there's a chance I might have killed him! STUPID Phoenix!" She raced off to the BMC, because she knew the Judgemaster had enough common sense to take him there.

"Kupo?"

Mack blinked as his eyes stared at the sunlight directly above him before he realized that the Clan Amor Judge had revived him. He looked around and noticed he was the first to be revived on his team. He saw Yuwain, Nelson, Spengler, Melanie-

"Kupo? Phoenix, kupo?"

He didn't see Phoenix. He briefly scanned the field, but did not find the Hunter in question..

"Kupo? Where'd he go, kupo? Did we win, kupo?"

By then, the Judge had finished reviving all of his teammates.

"KUPO! JUDGE, SIR, KUPO!"

The Judge looked at him, teleported next to him, and lifted the faceplate covering his eyes, giving Mack an inquiring look.

"Can I help you?"

"Where did the Hunter on our team go, kupo? I don't see Phoenix anywhere!"

"Took an arrow to the heart." The Judge responded simply. "Looked like he intended to, from what I could tell."

"… You're joking, kupo…"

"Judges don't joke."

"Kupopo! Why would he do that?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." He dropped the faceplate back over his eyes and shifted on his steed. "I must make my way over to the Bervenia Medical Center and report to Judgemaster Cid to see if there's anything I can do for the kid." And with that he was gone.

"Kupo… why are you doing this, kupo?"

Jullianne raced through the hallways of Bervenia, attempting to follow the directions to the Medical Center given to her by a Moogle at the gate to the arena. At several points she had to conceal herself to get past guarded checkpoints so she could save herself some time. She was just glad the palace didn't have any Guard Panthers to Reveal her. All she got were some odd stares when the guards heard racing footsteps belonging to nobody.

She skidded to a halt outside of the Med Center, removed her Concealment, and walked in slowly, trying to catch her breath. She was greeted by a Nu Mou White mage who looked older than time itself.

"Can I help you?" Asked he in a raspy voice.

"Uhh… can I see Phoenix? He's a Hunter who just came in-"

"Ah, yes… but no. He's requiring immediate White Magical attention due to the severity of his wound-"

'Dammit.' She thought angrily.

"-and visitors probably won't be allowed for another hour or so."

Jullianne put on her best frustrated look possible, shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looked down as if she was deep in thought, and then looked back up at the Nu Mou.

"Look, he's a good friend of mine and-"

"I'm sorry… no visitors."

"I know some white magic! Is there something I can do to help?"

That seemed to catch the Nu Mou off guard for a second, but then he shook his head sadly and responded. "I'm sorry, but no. You will have to wait for about an hour until we are done healing him. You can either take a walk around the palace grounds, or wait in the lobby area outside of the Healing rooms. Don't worry." He cracked a small smile when he saw the Sniper's distress. "His Highness has the best White Mages on staff at his palace's medical center… he wouldn't stand for less. Your friend will be alright, believe me. Now shoo." He turned around walked back into the Healing room that Phoenix was obviously in.

Jullianne was tempted to Conceal herself and watch anyway, but she felt an urge to listen to the old Nu Mou and wait. He had a respectable aura around him, and it was hard to say 'no' to his requests.

So she waited. And she waited for quite a long time.

Inside the Healing room, things were a bit more hustled. Phoenix, heavily drugged to reduce pain and resistance, was fully de-clothed for a full range of healing and to get the best look possible at his wounds. This was one of the reasons why he was drugged into a near comatose state.

"Hey, doc… amIgoingtolive?" He slurred, giggling afterwards.

"Yes. Now hush so we can concentrate."

"A'ight." He muttered. "Fine… I won'talk t'you, then. Just make sure you fix me up righ- Ow! Whyssat hurt?"

The White Mage looked concerned. "That hurt?"

"'Ell, yes it did. Now why'dithurt?"

"I don't know…" The Mage responded abstractedly, prodding around at various points in the opened wound. Normally, the medical team would hit the patient with several rounds of Curaga, but the fact that the arrow was still embedded in the patient caused the White Mages to perform a sort of operation to surgically remove it. Therefore, after a lot of drugs being administered to the patient, they re-opened the wounds (with some drunken protesting on the part of the patient) and were carefully trying to extract the arrow.

The new problem was that at some point (probably when the patient had fallen down), some sort of impact caused the arrow to snap in two, so the mages had to open the wound further and delve deeper to extract the other part of the arrow without leaving any splintering remnants behind that could (and would) cause infections later on.

So now, after the arrow was seemingly removed completely, the White Mage didn't know why Phoenix was hurting, even through all those drugs. The mage was using a weak Cure spell to close some of the deeper wounds the team had re-opened when the patient had made the outcry.

"Tell me if this hurts…" The mage muttered and tried casting Cure again.

"YEAH!"

The White Mage instantly stopped.

"Yeah… tha'hurt…"

The White Mage hailed another member of the medical team, a Nu Mou Alchemist, over to Phoenix's table and quickly explained to him the situation.

"What is your diagnosis?"

"I've never heard of this before, I must say. However, as this is a realm of magic, there could be a number of possibilities that could be true, many of them pertaining to black magic, many pertaining to various poisons, and many, less likely ones pertaining to love."

"Love?"

"Yes… the power of passion is a strong magical force, and may have various side-effects if things turn sour."

"They'd have to turn really sour for love to stop a flesh wound from closing."

"It may not be a physical wound, my friend. The pain may be induced from the emotional aspects of the 'wound' inflicted upon him."

"But you said the possibility of love being the cause is less likely."

"I did, but I haven't had a love case in so long that half of me wants it to be one so I can try my hand at healing a broken heart once more."

"Well, we'll have to wait until he's sober before we can ask him anything about his love life…"

By this time, all of Clan Amor and all of Clan Armageddon were waiting outside in the BCM lobby. Mack was Stopping himself to make time go by faster, Yuwain was nervously breathing fire (much to the annoyance/horror of the people around him), Nelson wasn't doing much because the only thing he could do would be worse than Yuwain's fire breathing. Melanie had Concealed herself and was sitting in a corner. Spengler was trying to talk to one of the Medical Team Representatives and persuading him to let Spengler in so he could cast Angel Whisper and White Wind. The rep was calmly telling him raw healing power would not be effective at the present time. It was a surgical matter.

Dave was sitting in a chair on the far end of the lobby, head in his hands, thinking if he could have done anything to prevent this. Each time he went through the events, however, he came to the conclusion that something of this magnitude had to happen before Jullianne realized Phoenix was truly being sincere about his love. Jullianne, meanwhile was sitting by the door, hand propping her up her head while the other hand drummed impatiently on a nearby table. Her eyes were fixed on the door, behind which Phoenix was being fixed.

"Alright… recite the alphabet."

"A, B, C, D, F, E, G, H, I, J, K, L, N, M, O, P, Q, R, S, U, T, V, W, X, Y Z."

"Close enough. Alright, now we need to ask you a few rather important questions. Don't look down."

Too late for that. The instruction had piqued Phoenix's curiosity and he looked down…

"Oh…"

… And he threw up.

"Oi… I told you not to look down. WE NEED A MOP OVER HERE!"

After the mess was all cleaned up, the Nu Mou Alchemist resumed the conversation.

"Alright, we're not sure why healing won't close you up without inducing pain, but we have a couple of theories. The one I'm favoring involves your emotions."

"Alright…"

"Do you love anyone?"

"Yes."

"Have you seen her lately?"

"Yes."

"How recently?"

"A few hours ago."

"Did she fire the arrow at you?"

"Yes."

"Does she love you back."

"No."

The Alchemist paused. He then turned to the Human White Mage who was watching this with interest.

"I do believe I am right about my theory."

"What theory are you talking about, doc?"

The Nu Mou turned back to Phoenix.

"I think that the physical wound caused by the arrow opened up an emotional wound caused by the fact that the one who shot the arrow is the affection of your love. Your emotional soul needs to heal before we can heal the wound caused by the arrow."

"And how's that supposed to happen?"

"You must reconcile with the one who's hurt you."

Phoenix groaned, thinking about how a lovely little chat with Jullianne about his feelings would turn out.

"How soon does this have to happen?"

"As soon as possible, obviously. We can't help you until you do."

"Dear lord, my day has just gotten a whole lot worse. Do you know where she is?"

"No."

"Well how am I supposed to talk to her if you don't know where she is?"

"Maybe if you state her name and occupation, we could send a request for her."

"Jullianne. Sniper."

"We'll be right back."

Phoenix sighed as he watched them walk out. He heard some shouting in the adjacent room a little bit of scuffling, and a lot of what sounded like slapping. After about a minute, the Alchemist and the White Mage returned with a Stopped Jullianne being dragged along behind them.

"It's a good thing I know some Time Magic." The Alchemist huffed. "She was practically clawing her way into the room. Skimble… the Esuna, if you please…"

After a few flashes of white light and some nifty sound effects, the Sniper was moving once more. The first thing she did was move towards Phoenix…

WHAP.

… And slap him hard across the cheek.

'This isn't going to turn out well, I just know it…' He thought to himself while he rubbed the now red cheek gingerly.

A/N: Yes, I left you hanging again. Not as bad as before though, right? I personally find the ending rather amusing, which is why I left it at that. And by the way, for those of you who are gullible and read my alleged "spoiler" at the beginning of this… No, Phoenix does not die.

Healie


	15. Step Nine: Reconciliation

A/N: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this will be the last chapter I post for several months. No, this isn't because I hate you, it's because wrestling season hath started, and the practices are LONG. As it is, the only reason why I managed to pull this one off is because I did most of it over the Thanksgiving Break. So… happy Turkey Day, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

By the way, it's gonna be mostly dialogue.

Step Nine: Reconciliation

WHAP.

Phoenix watched fearfully as the enraged Sniper raised her hand to strike him again.

"Please! Please! He's a patient that is in critical condition!" The Alchemist stepped between Phoenix and Jullianne, hoping to prevent another attack on the Hunter.

"The hell he is! If he's healthy enough to make me worry for HOURS, then he's healthy enough to take a few slaps-"

"I'd like to point out that I caused your worry before I went into critical condit-"

"YOU'RE NOT A PART OF THIS CONVERSATION!"

"Okay…"

Jullianne regained control of her emotions, and looked at the Alchemist calmly.

"Terribly sorry, sir. I don't know what came over me. All I can say is that if THIS moron…" she jabbed a finger in Phoenix's direction, "Pulls off any more stunts like that again, I will seriously kill him if the arrow doesn't."

The Alchemist looked at Jullianne in shock for a few moments. He shook his head to clear it of whatever thoughts were flying around in there and said, "Well, the reason why we brought you in here was so that you could actually talk to young Master Phoenix-"

"Master doesn't even BEGIN to describe him…"

"… because he needs to be healed emotionally before we can start to close the wound you see here."

"Do you have ANY idea how sappy that soun- Ooohhh…"

For the first time, she took a look at the open wound in Phoenix's chest and grimaced. She had no idea arrow extraction was that ugly. It sort of made sense when she thought about it. If they just ripped it out, there was a chance it could have cut his heart and then they would have had SERIOUS problems. But at it's current size, it practically looked like a mine shaft going down into his chest. Phoenix figured out what she was looking at and grinned.

"Pretty huh?"

"Eh, no… not really."

Phoenix shrugged, then winced. "Well, that's what I get for trying to be Mr. Hero Man."

"More like Mr. Moronic Man."

The Hunter sighed. "Well, you know what I was trying to get across, right?"

"Eh, no… not really."

Insert thick silence here.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Eh, no… not really."

Phoenix rolled his eyes. "And you think that I should be called Mr. Moronic Man." He looked back at Jullianne and smirked. "Ready to hear something really sappy?"

"Eh, no… not really."

"Can you stop saying that?"

"Eh-"

"The reason I did that," he broke in pointedly, "Was to prove that I love you so much I'm willing to take an arrow to the chest. Full force."

"… Now THAT is sappy."

"I told you it was gonna sound sappy."

"But not THAT sappy."

"Whatever. You heard the alchemist. I have to be 'emotionally healed' before this big ol' hole will close up. And I am more than willing to test his theory. You have NO idea how much it hurt the first time they tried to use a healing spell to fix it. Of course, I was drugged out of my mind, but even through that I could still feel the pain. The doc was telling me that he thinks you poured all of your hate for me into that arrow, which is why it won't allow a healing spell, administered with care and compassion, to work."

"Alright lover boy… start groveling."

"… What?"

"You think I'm gonna forgive you for the hurt you caused me just 'cause some crackpot alch-"

"Watch it young lady."

"Just 'cause some alchemist says I need to make you 'feel loved' again, d'you think I'll say, 'Okay! Sure! Let's do it!'?"

"Uhh… I was kind of hoping you would."

"Well forget it. It ain't happening."

Phoenix sighed and looked away, thoroughly distraught. "I'm sorry."

Laughter filled his ears. Insane, uncontrollable laughter. He looked back, annoyed, and saw Jullianne rolling on the floor in peals of laughter.

"Ah ha! Ah ha! He… he thinks saying… saying 'sorry' is gonna do something!" She immediately stopped laughing and glared at Phoenix. "Well, sorry… but your little apology comes a little too late."

"Alright then… what do you want me to do to set things right?"

"Blow yourself up."

"I already tried that, and I earned a slap for making you worried for hours."

Jullianne glared at him. "And you'll get another one if you shoot any more snide remarks at me."

"I was just pointing out the facts-" SLAP. "Alright… alright… fine. Then what am I supposed to do?"

This time, Jullainne pondered the question, trying to think of something she could make him do, since she obviously had him wrapped around her finger right now.

"I still don't know what exactly happened."

"About what?"

"This whole thing." She waved her arm around like it would help Phoenix understand what she meant. "Why did you do it?"

Apparently it did, because Phoenix nodded his head sadly stared off into space, thinking about how he should convey what happened.

"I won't deny that at first it was a game-"

"Cow."

"Let me _finish._ Think about it. Three bachelors at a pub… drinking alcohol… doing this for about three years together. A cute viera walks into the room and what would you expect to happen? Well, you were there, so you know what happened. And after I came back to my friends from my utter defeat, Mack had a book called 'How to Woo a Viera in Ten Easy Steps.'"

"That's insulting! Just the title alone makes Viera out to be easy catches!"

Phoenix resisted the temptation to say 'I caught you, didn't I?' and continued with his story.

"So you know what happened after I had the 'Magic Book'… I got into the clan, spent a lot of time trying to be friends with you. Of course, my comment about nailing you made that rather difficult."

"Dumba-"

"BUT. But… I did become your friend after a while, and… I dunno what happened. Maybe you hit me with a Cupid arrow, or it was just who you are, but all I know is that it wasn't a game anymore. I truly loved you and I wanted you to fall in love with me."

"By using a BOOK?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Continuing to use that book after I fell in love with you was an error graver than the comment. Which is why I stopped using the book after you blew up at me."

"Oh, don't you DARE make me sound like the bad guy…"

"ANYWAY, you know that I split with you guys to form my own clan. For you of course."

"Yeah… that's touching, Phoenix… REAL touching." That comment was dripping with so much sarcasm, you could stick your hand under it and catch some.

"Well, obviously I did it for you. Who, in their right mind, would name their clan 'Amor' if they're not in love?"

Jullianne looked bewildered. "So that's what Amor means… I was wondering what you were up to with that…"

"You've obviously never learned Spanish before, have you?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. The point is that I made the clan for you and I wanted to become prestigious throughout Ivalice so you'd regain your lost respect for me."

"Respect in battle is a heckuva lot different than respect in a relationship."

The Hunter sighed. "I know, I know. It's just that, I was desperate to get you to love me back, and I didn't know how else. And I sure as heck wasn't going to use a book called 'How to Regain a Viera's Love in Ten Easy Steps.'"

"There's a book called that?"

"No."

"So you decided that you'd take an arrow to the chest, even though you knew it would freak me out and scare me out of my wits?"

"That's about it, yes." Phoenix had figured out that by now, although Jullianne wasn't trying to show it, she WAS starting to turn her opinion around once again.

"Well, I must admit, that is pretty heroic. But that's not a very nice thing to do to your friends."

"So you're my friend now?"

"Doesn't mean I have to like you."

Phoenix grinned anyway. "That's fine by me… as long as you're my friend. I think this merits a hug."

The Sniper rolled her eyes and smirked. "I'm gonna slit your throat in your sleep one of these days." She then stepped around the bed and leaned in, wrapping her arms around Phoenix's upper body.

The happy Hunter closed his eyes, hugged Jullianne back, and said, "I don't doubt it."

A/N: What d'you think? I thought that was a good place to end it. Nice 'n sweet, if you ask me. Well, like I said earlier, I won't be posting a chapter for a few months most probably. I will never abandon the story, rest assured. It's just going on vacation, so to speak. Keep up the reviews (they're great!), and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	16. Step Ten: Proposals Yeah Right

A/N: Hate me, kick me, punch me, slap me, shoot me, or nuke me, I deserve it all. Not posting for… far longer than I should have, I have no excuse for it. There isn't an excuse reasonable enough that's not a lie that can explain the lack of posts other than "I slacked off", and that's just pathetic. Anyway, a long overdue end to a story.

Step Ten: Proposal… Yeah Right

So, once Phoenix's "broken heart" was mended, the Bervenia Palace medics tried healing Phoenix again. Sure enough, just as the alchemist had suspected, this time around the spells had no damaging effect on our hero. So, after a few sessions of heavy healing, Phoenix was good as new. The moment he walked out the door of the Medical Room, he was mobbed by his clan members, who forced him into a group hug faster than he could say "Holy Mateus". He noticed that when Melanie gave him a small kiss on the cheek, Jullianne was glaring daggers at her. Grinning inwardly, Phoenix decided not to bring it up, and instead walked to the nearest pub with his buddies for several rounds of drinks.

For about a week afterwards, Phoenix did not help his clan in engagements. He let his teammates handle turf battles, had them go five-against-five in regular engagements, and just watched when they took missions… or waited at a city. As far as he knew, Phoenix was on very good terms with Jullianne. The Hunter was particularly pleased with his luck when he managed to get Jullianne to agree to go on walks with him now and then. On their first one, he quickly cleared up her concern about Melanie… there was nothing between Phoenix and the Assassin, and it was going to stay that was until they were all old and gray, and once they were old and decrepit, he STILL would not have any desire to have any sort of relationship with the Viera in question.

So they took walks about once a Moon, first through the Nubswood, then across Lutia Pass, then splashing around in the Ulei River, and they spent the day in Koringwood on their last one. During the walks/outings, Phoenix tried to right all the wrongs he'd done to Jullianne by spending some genuinely enjoyable time with her. Every time he made her laugh, Phoenix would grin like a madman, because he knew that she was starting to accept him for who he really was now. However, every time he thought of that, he'd roll his eyes when he realized how sappy it sounded. A lot of things in love are sappy and trite, as Phoenix quickly found out. Well, it didn't matter to him, anyway. Jullianne was all the world to Phoenix now.

A couple of times they had a few scary moments on their walks. Neither of them really had any offensive magic, so if and when they came across a Toughskin or a Bladebiter on their walks, Jullianne would poison it and Phoenix would hit its vitals in hopes of inflicting a useful status ailment, giving them enough time to get out of there. And then there was the time with the Panthers…

(FLASHBACK THINGY)

Jullianne and Phoenix were laughing at some small joke the Hunter had made during their walk through Lutia Pass. Jullianne had her arm merrily slung around Phoenix's shoulders and her head resting against his neck as they walked in sync. As they continued walking, their laughter could be heard ringing through the Pass due to Phoenix's seemingly never-ending supply of jokes and stories that he was reciting to Jullianne to pass the time.

Unfortunately for the couple, this ruckus had aroused and angered a rather large pack of Panthers with a pair of Coeurl at their head. The two leaders were rather adept at catching prey in ambushes, and they figured this instance should be no different. Using a form of silent communication, they moved into formation at a chokepoint in the pass…

Meanwhile, Phoenix and Jullianne were still ambling along, the Hunter's incessant stream of humor still flowing.

"So the Mog Knight had told the Gladiator 'Geet off mah terf b'fore I SHANK ya!'. Of course, the Gladiator was unimpressed with the Knight's poor English skills and decided to see if the illiterate Moogle would actually do something. Unfortunately for the Gladiator, the Knight actually DID shank him… with some ballet shoes."

Jullianne's sniggering stopped, and she looked at Phoenix. "Sorry buddy… but I don't quite get that one."

This caused a look of confusion to cross Phoenix's face as he stopped walking and turned to meet Jullianne's quizzical look. "Why not? It's a ballet jo- … oh… Oh yeah. It's a ballet joke. You've never done ballet before, have you?"

"Ballet? What the heck is that?"

"I see… It's something my sister did when I was still in Eur- when I was still at home. It's a form of dancing, and in ballet POINT, you go on your toes… hence the 'point' part. Apparently, there's a part of the point shoe called the Shank. Don't ask me why. My sister found it to be an endless source of amusement that there was a 'shank' in her shoe."

"I still don't get it."

Phoenix shrugged. "Ah well. Here, I'll tell you another joke to make up for it."

Jullianne sighed. "Nah, it's alright. Let's do something else. Hey… what's that Judge doing there?" She pointed a little bit off to their left where a Judge had indeed materialized.

"You have been ambushed." The Judge said simply. As if to prove his point, a unified howl of Panthers broke out as they slowly padded out from behind bushes, boulders, and trees.

"Ummm… that ain't a good thing, is it?"

"No, Phoenix. It's not. How many judge points do you have?"

"Ummm…"

"Seven." The Judge put in, apparently amused by their obviously hopeless situation.

"You wouldn't happen to know today's recommended actions would you?"

"Missiles, Hunt, and Sharpshoot. Forbidden are Poison, Time Magic, and Charm."

"Huh… that's just about the best set of laws I've seen all year. Alright… Phoenix?"

"Yeah." He was still staring wide-eyed at the group of killing machines slowly advancing on them. "Yeah, I'm here."

"I need you to get three judge points without dying. Can you do that?"

"Ummm… not sure."

"How 'bout we start now by having you shoot a bloody arrow at one of the hounds?"

"Oh… good idea."

He who hasn't sinned may cast the first stone. However, since Phoenix was firing an arrow instead of casting a silly stone, it didn't really matter whether he had sinned or not. His arrow hit one of the Panthers in the neck, killing it and awarding Phoenix with a judge point.

"Damn… too bad I don't get two points for crit shots."

"Why didn't you use Hunting first?" Jullianne hissed.

"You told me to fire an arrow… so I did."

"Well, you've effectively ticked them all off now, so I'd say we are royally screwed."

"Well, Miss Ingenuity… any more suggestions?"

"Keep firing arrows?"

"Deal. Only if you do, though."

So while the hounds sprang after them, the two started firing arrows as fast as they could. Unfortunately, because they were in a rush to get out as many missiles as they could, most of them missed. Eventually, however, Phoenix hit two more Panthers, got his Ten Judge points, and hit a Combo on one of the Coeurl.

"YOU IDIOT. Why didn't you summon a TOTEMA?"

"Oh… that would have been a better idea, wouldn't it?"

"No kidding." But at that point, a Panther took a swipe at Jullianne, so she had to break off her conversation with the Hunter and remove the offending Coerl's paw with an Aim to the Arm.

"Well, that's one guy down who can't use Blaster…"

"Kinda busy right now…" Phoenix was hitting as many panthers as he could with Sonic Boom, and doing a decent job, but it was fairly hopeless.

"Jullianne, Conceal yourself… now."

"But you don't know how to, so they'd all go after you."

"Better than all of them going after you, isn't it?"

"No, not really…"

"NOW."

For once, the sniper took orders from Phoenix and hid herself, easily escaping from the fray as all of the panthers now surged towards Phoenix. The Hunter knelt down, knowing it was hopeless to resist the panthers. He closed his eyes, hoping his death would look kinda stoic or something, but quickly opened them when he heard the sound of a summon.

He looked up, saw Madeen, and then nothing more.

"Are you that Phoenix Down you carry hasn't reached its expiration date?"

"Phoenix Downs don't HAVE an expiration date!"

"Well, he's not waking up, so I'm not sure…"

"Give it a minute…"

"We've already given it a minute."

Bleary-eyed and foggy-brained, Phoenix saw a pair of Viera, a Sniper and a Summoner, bending over him. "Given who a minute?"

Immediately, he found himself being crushed into a hug by the Sniper.

"Easy… easy."

"After you made me worry so much? Why should I go easy on you?"

His eyes bugged out. "Easy!"

"Oh… sorry." Jullianne finally let go of Phoenix, helped him to his feet, and introduced him to Nieve, the one who had summoned Madeen to kill the remaining Panthers. She was pretty cool about the whole thing, saying how it was lucky she saw what was going on, and how she felt bad she accidentally knocked out Phoenix, and fortunately she had a spare Phoenix Down that she used, and how Jullianne was saying some silly stuff in her worry over Phoenix.

Needless to say, Phoenix's solitary walk with Jullianne turned into a walk with Nieve as well. However, they all had a good time talking (not too loudly, mind you) on the remainder of their walk, and by the end, Phoenix offered the Summoner a position in his clan. She accepted, much to Phoenix's relief, because now his clan members could have rotations in regular engagements, and enjoy some R&R while they watch their clanners battle with the opposition. Besides, Nieve's Phoenix summon would come in handy a lot, he just knew it.

(END OF FLASHBACK THINGY)

So anyway, aside from a few scary moments like the Panther ambush, most of the walks were quite enjoyable, especially the ones where they went swimming in the Ulei River. Phoenix loved those outings best of all, NOT because the water caused Jullianne's clothing to cling to her body, but because it cooled them off in the afternoon. Besides, who doesn't enjoy "accidentally" pushing their friend off the bridge and into the icy waters, resulting in the pusher getting pulled in by the pushee?

Many times, Phoenix would find Jullianne holding his hand as they walked along, or leaning her head on his shoulder as they watched the sun set while they sat on Kudik Peaks, or falling asleep on his back when he was carrying her back to town. Several times, when they were saying goodnight to each other, Jullianne would reach up and give Phoenix a light kiss on the cheek before they parted ways.

Once, as a joke, Phoenix swept Jullianne off her feet, cradling her in his arms, and said, "Marry me, my love."

Much to his surprise, Jullianne had responded with, "Maybe." She then threw him a wink, jumped out of his arms, and went skipping off to her room, whistling. The fact that Jullianne would actually go skipping and whistling anywhere is amazing enough, but it was her response that had confused Phoenix. He shrugged it off, but kept it in the back of his mind as he went about his daily business.

And so this particular story concludes with Phoenix and Jullianne back on excellent terms, both Armageddon and Amor prospering as clans, and (what is hopefully) a happy ending. However, though this may be the conclusion of one story, the story of Phoenix's and Julliane's lives is far from over.

FAR from over…

A/N: Yes… I forced you to wait for… five months? Yeah, five months for the last chapter of this story… man, I hate myself for doing it. Worst yet, I had it mostly written for a while, but never got around to finishing it. Well, here it is, hopefully you enjoy it, and I'll be thinking about another plot (got a few floating around) and posting it in (hopefully) a more regular manner than this one


End file.
